"You don't ask for help...You're so proud!"
"You are a lone ranger."
"You are so anti-social."
"You are the only one in the family who doesn't have a traditional family frame of mind."
I hear this a lot. Those statements make me think:
Just because I don't ask for help, how does that make me proud? I may not come out and announce to the world that I need help but that doesn't mean I'm not quietly asking for help from those who can help me. How does that make me proud?
How can a lone ranger have as many friends as I do?
Anti-social? I'm sorry, when you work with a bunch of people and you're constantly talking and moving, when you get home, the last thing you want to do is talk...How is THAT anti-social?
If my two older brothers are into the traditional family and I'm not, what happened during my life? Could it be that they always had their father around whereas mine was MIA? That's a possibility...
Everyone has a thought about who we are. It can come from a first impression or it could come from the side that we choose to show them, but does that make it valid? Is it accurate?
In many cases it's not.
Yet people constantly like to say those things to me...
And they wonder why I ignore them or stare at them with glassy eyes or with my mouth opened.
Pfft...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I see how this works...
A few days have gone by and I haven't written in my blog but there's the thing...
I've THOUGHT about writing in my blog...
I've even thought about topics. I had some ideas about what I do care about:
1. Teens
2. Female weight issues --For lack of a better term
There's more and here's the thing...
I'm not passionate about those topics. Sure, I like talking to teens and if there is any way that I can help them get on the right path, then I will, especially the little girls. When I was a teen we had positive and negative messages in our faces but sheesh, it was the 90's so the majority of the images seemed to be positive while now, EVERYTHING seems to have a negative connotation...
As for the 2nd one, I'm just tired of seeing the media harp on weight loss/gain especially in the female actresses. I know, they are in the public's eye, but good grief, that's their life...Their bodies, and not everyone is meant to be a petite woman.
Some of us are blessed with gorgeous curves and we should rock them proudly. I remember the night that I got pissed at Conan O'Brien and honestly I have never been upset with a night time host, ever, but the way that he kept harping on Kristie Allen's weight gain...
I was like, ENOUGH! Since then, I haven't watched Conan loyally.
With a normal woman, if you gain weight, you can easily abstain from taking pictures. If you are a celebrity, everywhere you go there is a chance that your picture will get snapped. So they get to see images of themselves in the magazines and honestly, I swear that the magazine editors pick the worse pictures of these women just to humiliate them more!
So guess what happens? These women go through drastic measures to get their weight back down just so they can end public ridicule.
I know that you are saying that these are grownups and that ultimately they have the choice to say no but then they come up with articles on:
"How I lost 40 pounds in 1 Month!"
Or even:
"I felt so fat so I went from 120 to 104!"
Who reads magazines? Who are affected the MOST by these images?
(See #1)
Hmmm...Perhaps I am a bit more passionate than I thought
I've THOUGHT about writing in my blog...
I've even thought about topics. I had some ideas about what I do care about:
1. Teens
2. Female weight issues --For lack of a better term
There's more and here's the thing...
I'm not passionate about those topics. Sure, I like talking to teens and if there is any way that I can help them get on the right path, then I will, especially the little girls. When I was a teen we had positive and negative messages in our faces but sheesh, it was the 90's so the majority of the images seemed to be positive while now, EVERYTHING seems to have a negative connotation...
As for the 2nd one, I'm just tired of seeing the media harp on weight loss/gain especially in the female actresses. I know, they are in the public's eye, but good grief, that's their life...Their bodies, and not everyone is meant to be a petite woman.
Some of us are blessed with gorgeous curves and we should rock them proudly. I remember the night that I got pissed at Conan O'Brien and honestly I have never been upset with a night time host, ever, but the way that he kept harping on Kristie Allen's weight gain...
I was like, ENOUGH! Since then, I haven't watched Conan loyally.
With a normal woman, if you gain weight, you can easily abstain from taking pictures. If you are a celebrity, everywhere you go there is a chance that your picture will get snapped. So they get to see images of themselves in the magazines and honestly, I swear that the magazine editors pick the worse pictures of these women just to humiliate them more!
So guess what happens? These women go through drastic measures to get their weight back down just so they can end public ridicule.
I know that you are saying that these are grownups and that ultimately they have the choice to say no but then they come up with articles on:
"How I lost 40 pounds in 1 Month!"
Or even:
"I felt so fat so I went from 120 to 104!"
Who reads magazines? Who are affected the MOST by these images?
(See #1)
Hmmm...Perhaps I am a bit more passionate than I thought
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Me and Documentaries
There are many good things about being a freelance writer, the main thing is when I want to take a break, I can take a break from working. Right now, I'm watching When the Levees Broke a film created by Spike Lee. It is about the New Orleans residents after Katrina. (The following blog isn't about this documentary)
Normally I am not allowed to watch documentaries because I always get upset. When I get upset, my boyfriend has to deal with the mood so I allow for him to tell me, "Baby, you are not allowed to watch documentaries anymore." Notice that I said "allow."
There was once a time when I was passionate about everything. I wanted to change everything! I wanted to right all the wrongs in the world but something happens to people who notice all the wrong in the world...
They don't live. When you're consumed with all that is wrong, it's hard to smile. It's hard to enjoy life because you're thinking, "How can I be happy when there is SO much injustice in the world?!" I'm not saying that we should go around ignorant and happy but in general, we are more valuable to ourselves and others when we are balanced mentally and physically.
Now, without documentaries, I find myself being able to breath easily. Also, it allowed me to take a look at the types of documentaries that I used to watch and I came to a conclusion...
I don't appreciate my feelings being jerked around. You can teach me about your cause without trying to make me mad or sad.
I wonder, if it's even possible? Even commercials go out of their way to either make us very angry or sad. I saw a commercial that is created so we can save the children in poor areas. I watched as they gave a boy a picture of his dead parents and he cried. Wasn't it sad enough to know that this poor boy's parents died leaving him to take care of his younger brothers? Wasn't it sad enough to see where they lived? Wouldn't I want to help him out in based on what I already know or am I SO heartless that I need to see a visual of this 11 year old boy breaking down on screen before I pick up the phone and call?! Why do these people feel the need to toy with my emotions to earn my support for their cause?
The same goes for documentaries. This is why I cannot watch them any longer. My emotions are not available for some stranger to toy with like a canister of play dough.
Peace out,
Max
Monday, May 04, 2009
May 4, 2009
I'm not sure if I'm going to begin my blogs like this, but I'm only doing it this way because I am lost. Should my blogs turn into something serious? Should I keep it funny and entertaining? Should there be a theme?
I only ask these questions because usually when it comes time for me to apply for a writing job, I am always at a loss for writing samples. My boyfriend tells me to use the samples that I do for websites like www.urbaniacs.com and www.popmundo.com but in my opinion, those are fun sites. He didn't understand me until I asked him if he would hand in a doodle for an artistic job that he wanted. He understood. I guess he's a bit biased, but then again, love will do that to you.
Let me tell you how it always goes down when I want a writing job. I write the email or fill out the application. I check it over until I'm satisfied and then I think, "What will I send in for a writing sample?!" I look at my stories and usually I tell myself no. I look at my blog and I think that while it does show off my writing talents, some of my blogs might be scary to those PC loving and using people...
They are the ones who tend to be employed. While the application/email creation takes about 20 minutes to do, choosing a writing sample takes much longer! Sometimes it takes 2 days!!! Then I start thinking about this blog. I think about how I never use it anymore and then I think about how I could use it to further my writing career. I also wonder if I am wasting my time creating blogs like these and if I am living up to my full writing potential...
Do you understand why it can take 2 days?
Finally I wonder if there is something that I could blog about that could help me in this crazy world as well as others. I call this final phase, "Are my talents being used to make a better world or are they being wasted?" Then I ponder that. Usually my boyfriend weighs in and says, "You should start podcasting and writing more! Write about something that you care about a lot!"
That causes a few more hours of thought because I'm not sure if I care about things anymore. When I was 20, I was passionate about EVERYTHING. I'm overexaggerating. Not everything but I was always doing something. Now at 30, I wonder if I am still passionate?
Maybe that should be my discovery. I can't write or speak about anything unless I am passionate about them.
It is time to find my passion! You can help if you like but only if you have constructive things to say. If you don't, please move on! lol
Peace!
Maxi
I only ask these questions because usually when it comes time for me to apply for a writing job, I am always at a loss for writing samples. My boyfriend tells me to use the samples that I do for websites like www.urbaniacs.com and www.popmundo.com but in my opinion, those are fun sites. He didn't understand me until I asked him if he would hand in a doodle for an artistic job that he wanted. He understood. I guess he's a bit biased, but then again, love will do that to you.
Let me tell you how it always goes down when I want a writing job. I write the email or fill out the application. I check it over until I'm satisfied and then I think, "What will I send in for a writing sample?!" I look at my stories and usually I tell myself no. I look at my blog and I think that while it does show off my writing talents, some of my blogs might be scary to those PC loving and using people...
They are the ones who tend to be employed. While the application/email creation takes about 20 minutes to do, choosing a writing sample takes much longer! Sometimes it takes 2 days!!! Then I start thinking about this blog. I think about how I never use it anymore and then I think about how I could use it to further my writing career. I also wonder if I am wasting my time creating blogs like these and if I am living up to my full writing potential...
Do you understand why it can take 2 days?
Finally I wonder if there is something that I could blog about that could help me in this crazy world as well as others. I call this final phase, "Are my talents being used to make a better world or are they being wasted?" Then I ponder that. Usually my boyfriend weighs in and says, "You should start podcasting and writing more! Write about something that you care about a lot!"
That causes a few more hours of thought because I'm not sure if I care about things anymore. When I was 20, I was passionate about EVERYTHING. I'm overexaggerating. Not everything but I was always doing something. Now at 30, I wonder if I am still passionate?
Maybe that should be my discovery. I can't write or speak about anything unless I am passionate about them.
It is time to find my passion! You can help if you like but only if you have constructive things to say. If you don't, please move on! lol
Peace!
Maxi
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Patriotic, pt. 2
A long, long time ago, some of my ancestors came from Africa. I say some because through the years, my blood line has become mixed with a plethora of other races and because of that, I must respect the non-African races.
When my ancestors first arrived here, they were African. (FYI - I'm not going to go into slavery. What's the point? If our ancestors didn't want to behave as if they were slaves, then why do most blacks keep pushing that title on them?)
That's right, they were Africans who lived in America. They had strong ties to their Motherland because they were stolen from there. Soon, they had their own kids. Those kids became Africans who were "trained" to be Americans.
I use the word "trained" because history shows us that when the slaves arrived to America, they weren't allowed to speak their language or even carry on their traditions, but when something is so engraved in your head, it is hard to break your habits when you are doing them subconsciously so I say "trained" because the children saw what their parents were doing but they also knew that they would be punished if they were caught. I believe that these were the first African-Americans because they still had a tie to the Motherland of Africa while developing new ties to their new home, America.
Let's fast forward A LOT. Down to me. I have no ties with Africa. I have no idea where my bloodline originated, you know since Africa is a continent and not a country. I have no clue about the politics in Africa, besides what I read in the news about all the genocides and famine that happens there. When I open my eyes, I see, "America" around me. I know all of the patriotic songs. I can say the "Pledge of Allegiance" and when I go to a foreign land, my passport says that I am American.
So that is what I am. I am an American.
You look at skin and you want to call me an African-American but I will not accept that title. It seems as though many blacks want to hold onto that title as if we still have strong ties to the Motherland, but we don't. Even if you look at a holiday like Kwanzaa, you will see that it is a sad attempt for blacks to pretend that our African roots are strong.
Did I upset you?
When I was in college, I remember there was this sister from Africa. I remember seeing her break down in tears because she saw so many things that was wrong with the typical Kwanzaa celebration. She cringed when she heard words being misused. She screamed when libations were poured. She was very upset! She told us all, that Kwanzaa was a made up holiday that stole bits and pieces from different African holidays.
Why should I believe her?
Look at the history of Kwanzaa. Look at when it was created. It was in the 60's. By then, the African blood in us was so diluted thanks to being force fed American doctrines that any of the ties that we had to Africa were loosened. The holiday was created to give Blacks an alternative to celebrate in the month of December so if they wanted Blacks could ignore Christmas and participate in a holiday made just for them.
Now, in the 60's what did we have going on? You had Black Power movements, Black Nationalism, all types of events created to help blacks become proud of their heritage while separating themselves from the main culture. In my opinion, Kwanzaa is a holiday that blacks get to hold over whites and say, "Ha ha! This is OUR holiday! BITE ME!"
I don't celebrate Kwanzaa, I never will.
I stopped being an African-American even when I hated the fact that I was American, but where would I go?
Back to Africa?
Uh, no. I would feel out of place there!
So let me break it down like this...
I feel like African-American means that I'm a 2nd class citizen. It was the government who set out to label blacks so that only a percentage of their vote would be calculated.
I am a full-blooded American which means I'm a first class citizen like everyone else! If you don't like it, I don't care!!!
If you think that I'm a sellout because I feel this way, then oh well.
I'm an American...
...And nothing else.
Peace out.
Max
When my ancestors first arrived here, they were African. (FYI - I'm not going to go into slavery. What's the point? If our ancestors didn't want to behave as if they were slaves, then why do most blacks keep pushing that title on them?)
That's right, they were Africans who lived in America. They had strong ties to their Motherland because they were stolen from there. Soon, they had their own kids. Those kids became Africans who were "trained" to be Americans.
I use the word "trained" because history shows us that when the slaves arrived to America, they weren't allowed to speak their language or even carry on their traditions, but when something is so engraved in your head, it is hard to break your habits when you are doing them subconsciously so I say "trained" because the children saw what their parents were doing but they also knew that they would be punished if they were caught. I believe that these were the first African-Americans because they still had a tie to the Motherland of Africa while developing new ties to their new home, America.
Let's fast forward A LOT. Down to me. I have no ties with Africa. I have no idea where my bloodline originated, you know since Africa is a continent and not a country. I have no clue about the politics in Africa, besides what I read in the news about all the genocides and famine that happens there. When I open my eyes, I see, "America" around me. I know all of the patriotic songs. I can say the "Pledge of Allegiance" and when I go to a foreign land, my passport says that I am American.
So that is what I am. I am an American.
You look at skin and you want to call me an African-American but I will not accept that title. It seems as though many blacks want to hold onto that title as if we still have strong ties to the Motherland, but we don't. Even if you look at a holiday like Kwanzaa, you will see that it is a sad attempt for blacks to pretend that our African roots are strong.
Did I upset you?
When I was in college, I remember there was this sister from Africa. I remember seeing her break down in tears because she saw so many things that was wrong with the typical Kwanzaa celebration. She cringed when she heard words being misused. She screamed when libations were poured. She was very upset! She told us all, that Kwanzaa was a made up holiday that stole bits and pieces from different African holidays.
Why should I believe her?
Look at the history of Kwanzaa. Look at when it was created. It was in the 60's. By then, the African blood in us was so diluted thanks to being force fed American doctrines that any of the ties that we had to Africa were loosened. The holiday was created to give Blacks an alternative to celebrate in the month of December so if they wanted Blacks could ignore Christmas and participate in a holiday made just for them.
Now, in the 60's what did we have going on? You had Black Power movements, Black Nationalism, all types of events created to help blacks become proud of their heritage while separating themselves from the main culture. In my opinion, Kwanzaa is a holiday that blacks get to hold over whites and say, "Ha ha! This is OUR holiday! BITE ME!"
I don't celebrate Kwanzaa, I never will.
I stopped being an African-American even when I hated the fact that I was American, but where would I go?
Back to Africa?
Uh, no. I would feel out of place there!
So let me break it down like this...
I feel like African-American means that I'm a 2nd class citizen. It was the government who set out to label blacks so that only a percentage of their vote would be calculated.
I am a full-blooded American which means I'm a first class citizen like everyone else! If you don't like it, I don't care!!!
If you think that I'm a sellout because I feel this way, then oh well.
I'm an American...
...And nothing else.
Peace out.
Max
Thoughts...
I know that it's been a while. As I look at my first sentence I wonder how many times have I had to type that? A lot has been happening lately. Some good, some bad, but all in all, I'm still here so that makes me a survivor, right?
No, I won't bore you with my rendition of D.C.'s "Survivor."
I was thinking today and the one thing that I would hate to lose is my ability to write. You may say, "Max, you can't lose it!"
Yes you can. You can lose any talent if you don't utilize it. I don't want to lose this. It's too valuable. So while on the bus today, I was thinking...
Hmmm...If I set aside 15 minutes to blog everyday, then my blog will continue and I will be utilizing my talent for my own benefit and not just for the benefit of the companies that currently employ me. Don't get me wrong, money pays the bills, but I think every artist should set aside time to indulge in their art, alone...
Even if it is a blog where people can your thoughts.
So, since this is my personal blog, let me start out with saying that there will be a few more blog entries. First, I have to finish my Patriotic series. Then I will move on to shed some light into what I've been thinking and doing...
Do you want to come along for the ride?
No, I won't bore you with my rendition of D.C.'s "Survivor."
I was thinking today and the one thing that I would hate to lose is my ability to write. You may say, "Max, you can't lose it!"
Yes you can. You can lose any talent if you don't utilize it. I don't want to lose this. It's too valuable. So while on the bus today, I was thinking...
Hmmm...If I set aside 15 minutes to blog everyday, then my blog will continue and I will be utilizing my talent for my own benefit and not just for the benefit of the companies that currently employ me. Don't get me wrong, money pays the bills, but I think every artist should set aside time to indulge in their art, alone...
Even if it is a blog where people can your thoughts.
So, since this is my personal blog, let me start out with saying that there will be a few more blog entries. First, I have to finish my Patriotic series. Then I will move on to shed some light into what I've been thinking and doing...
Do you want to come along for the ride?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Patriotic, pt. 1
Before you start to believe that President Obama is the main reason why I feel patriotic, let me back up a little bit and tell you where it started. You see, this summer, I lost my grandfather to cancer. It was a hard hit...A VERY hard hit, but in his passing so many memories of him came to mind. He was a WWII Vet who was very proud of his American heritage. I remember in the 6th grade we had to do a project on interviewing a WWII Vet and I was so afraid because I thought that I didn't have one. I thought that because I was black there couldn't be a member in my family who fought in that war. I came home and told my mom that my teacher said that I should go to a nursing home and interview someone there. My mother told me that my grandfather and great uncle were both Vets and that they both served in that war. All it meant in the past was a relief because I didn't want to go and interview strange old people...Hey, I was in the 6th grade, sue me...But now I can see the significance of that event in my life.
So with his passing, my brother, who was also in the military, got my grandfather a military burial. Since they were both in the Navy, my brother got to accept my grandfather's flag. I had never seen a military burial in person, I only seen them on t.v. but it was more moving in person. It even had a bugle player.
She played, we huddled together for warmth, and all I could do was think and hug my other brother close because he was in tears. I mean, for years I refused to salute the flag, say the Pledge of Allegiance, or even stand during the National Anthem. I was upset with this country and with "W" stealing the office TWICE, I was sick and tired of being American although I knew that no one else would take me and (I know I'm going to make some enemies by saying this):
I am NOT African!
Sorry, but I look down at my light skin, I listen to stories told by my grandmother and remember stories told by my grandfather. I am a mix bag of African, Indian, Chinese, European, and whatever else is on the side of my sperm donator (Some of you may call that person your father, but believe me, this guy doesn't deserve that respect), but that just makes me an American. Hence the reason why I dropped the "African" a long time ago (but more on that in part 2).
On that day in October, we watched as the two officers of the Navy folded up the American flag that was drapped over my grandfather's coffin. It wasn't an African flag...Nor was it both flags, no, it was the flag of the country that he put his life on the line to protect. I felt so proud watching it. I felt so grounded for some reason. I didn't feel different from other Americans. In some ways, it solidified my connection to this country and other proud Americans. Now, let's go to another country and make them hate us! No, just kidding. lol
When all was said and done, when the flag was folded up, when the tears stopped
falling, when the fact that it was chilly outside left our minds, it was just us staring at that coffin and watching the woman walk over to my brother in slow motion. She stood in front of him, she saluted him, he later told us that he couldn't return the salute because Navy protocol states that if you aren't in your uniform, you can't return the salute. She whispered some words to him, we couldn't hear it, I couldn't see her lips because her hand was covering it. All I know is Donnell looked serious. He held the flag close to his heart and I felt my eyes water up, just like they are right now. How I managed to snap a clear picture, I don't know. I guess I'm just an awesome photographer!
It was there when I realized that sometimes being proud of who you are isn't necessarily about what's going on at the present. It can be about the past and those who gave their lives for your country. It can be about the survivors who share stories with their children/grandchildren. They saw horrors that we couldn't imagine. Sights that would make all the gore that we watch in horror movies become obsolete. My grandfather was on a ship that swept for mines. He was the only black man on the ship and he says that he didn't notice because everyone treated him with respect. Fifteen men on his ship died one day when one of the mines went off but he and the rest of the survivors were picked up by another ship. If he was one of the 15, who knows what would have happened to me.
It's weird how events in our lives can cause us to change how we think and feel. All I know is I miss him. I miss him a lot. He was the only grandfather that I had and now I have none. Out of respect and love for him, I will have
pride in my country, not to the point where I become unbearable to non-Americans, but there is nothing wrong with some pride, ya dig? I love him...I miss him...I doubt I will ever get over that.
Stay tuned for part 2!
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
So with his passing, my brother, who was also in the military, got my grandfather a military burial. Since they were both in the Navy, my brother got to accept my grandfather's flag. I had never seen a military burial in person, I only seen them on t.v. but it was more moving in person. It even had a bugle player.
She played, we huddled together for warmth, and all I could do was think and hug my other brother close because he was in tears. I mean, for years I refused to salute the flag, say the Pledge of Allegiance, or even stand during the National Anthem. I was upset with this country and with "W" stealing the office TWICE, I was sick and tired of being American although I knew that no one else would take me and (I know I'm going to make some enemies by saying this):
I am NOT African!
Sorry, but I look down at my light skin, I listen to stories told by my grandmother and remember stories told by my grandfather. I am a mix bag of African, Indian, Chinese, European, and whatever else is on the side of my sperm donator (Some of you may call that person your father, but believe me, this guy doesn't deserve that respect), but that just makes me an American. Hence the reason why I dropped the "African" a long time ago (but more on that in part 2).
On that day in October, we watched as the two officers of the Navy folded up the American flag that was drapped over my grandfather's coffin. It wasn't an African flag...Nor was it both flags, no, it was the flag of the country that he put his life on the line to protect. I felt so proud watching it. I felt so grounded for some reason. I didn't feel different from other Americans. In some ways, it solidified my connection to this country and other proud Americans. Now, let's go to another country and make them hate us! No, just kidding. lolWhen all was said and done, when the flag was folded up, when the tears stopped
falling, when the fact that it was chilly outside left our minds, it was just us staring at that coffin and watching the woman walk over to my brother in slow motion. She stood in front of him, she saluted him, he later told us that he couldn't return the salute because Navy protocol states that if you aren't in your uniform, you can't return the salute. She whispered some words to him, we couldn't hear it, I couldn't see her lips because her hand was covering it. All I know is Donnell looked serious. He held the flag close to his heart and I felt my eyes water up, just like they are right now. How I managed to snap a clear picture, I don't know. I guess I'm just an awesome photographer!It was there when I realized that sometimes being proud of who you are isn't necessarily about what's going on at the present. It can be about the past and those who gave their lives for your country. It can be about the survivors who share stories with their children/grandchildren. They saw horrors that we couldn't imagine. Sights that would make all the gore that we watch in horror movies become obsolete. My grandfather was on a ship that swept for mines. He was the only black man on the ship and he says that he didn't notice because everyone treated him with respect. Fifteen men on his ship died one day when one of the mines went off but he and the rest of the survivors were picked up by another ship. If he was one of the 15, who knows what would have happened to me.
It's weird how events in our lives can cause us to change how we think and feel. All I know is I miss him. I miss him a lot. He was the only grandfather that I had and now I have none. Out of respect and love for him, I will have
pride in my country, not to the point where I become unbearable to non-Americans, but there is nothing wrong with some pride, ya dig? I love him...I miss him...I doubt I will ever get over that.Stay tuned for part 2!
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Patriotic?
What a difference a day makes...
Seriously. I watched one person leave the White House and another one enter. Eight years ago, when I was in college, I was SO angry because I felt that the election was stolen. That hardened my heart towards this country. Four years later I was sitting with a bunch of college students, as a grad student, when that anger grew because once again, I felt that the election was stolen. I began to wonder about the purpose of voting? Why vote if someone could come along and take the election anyways?
It's not about the fact that he's black. It's not about the fact that he actually had to work his way to the top and not rely on nepotism. It's not the fact that he spent time in Boston earning his law degree. Those are the icing on the cake because for the first time...
I feel like MY vote counted! That I was able to help choose the next President of the U.S. I rocked the vote and it made a difference! I'm not putting my faith in one man...He's only human, but thanks to recent events...
I feel as if a dark cloud no that's too cliche. I feel as though the gray bubble that was surrounding me for 8 years has been popped!
*smiles*
I am an American and I am proud of it. The next few blog posts will explore what that means to me! *winks*
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Seriously. I watched one person leave the White House and another one enter. Eight years ago, when I was in college, I was SO angry because I felt that the election was stolen. That hardened my heart towards this country. Four years later I was sitting with a bunch of college students, as a grad student, when that anger grew because once again, I felt that the election was stolen. I began to wonder about the purpose of voting? Why vote if someone could come along and take the election anyways?
It's not about the fact that he's black. It's not about the fact that he actually had to work his way to the top and not rely on nepotism. It's not the fact that he spent time in Boston earning his law degree. Those are the icing on the cake because for the first time...
I feel like MY vote counted! That I was able to help choose the next President of the U.S. I rocked the vote and it made a difference! I'm not putting my faith in one man...He's only human, but thanks to recent events...
I feel as if a dark cloud no that's too cliche. I feel as though the gray bubble that was surrounding me for 8 years has been popped!
*smiles*
I am an American and I am proud of it. The next few blog posts will explore what that means to me! *winks*
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Mmmmmm...Christmas
As usual, I not really into Christmas. I'm not like Scrooge, it's just that I never really had one of those family Christmas sessions. My boyfriend has the family Christmas sessions so I know that I'm going to be pulled out of my shell when we get married. Opps, did I say the 'm' word? Yea, I did but not so fast! Don't start talking wedding dresses with me yet. Seriously.
Anyways, my spirit is a little Christmassy this time around because the last few months of this year were quite shaky. I lost my grandpa to cancer. A week later my mom went in to have a cancerous lump removed from her breast. Now she is going through chemo which makes everything taste gross to her, but I'm sorta jealous of her because she's been snacking on ice cream and pudding. Darn her! lol
I guess for this time around, I feel blessed. As usual, I'll be spending Christmas alone because my mom needs to get her rest. But I am happy to have her. The trippy part is...
I am so happy to be 30 years old. I feel as if my world is opening up and things are beginning...
But as I get older so does my mother. She seems more mortal now. There was a time when she was Super Woman...Able to Spank 5 Kids with a Single Belt! lol
Now, she's getting older and that leaves so many doors open. I'm afraid of some of those doors, y'all.
So with happiness in my heart I wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Blessed Kwanzaa, and whatever celebration that you deal with I hope you have a good time!
Until next time you crazy readers!
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Anyways, my spirit is a little Christmassy this time around because the last few months of this year were quite shaky. I lost my grandpa to cancer. A week later my mom went in to have a cancerous lump removed from her breast. Now she is going through chemo which makes everything taste gross to her, but I'm sorta jealous of her because she's been snacking on ice cream and pudding. Darn her! lol
I guess for this time around, I feel blessed. As usual, I'll be spending Christmas alone because my mom needs to get her rest. But I am happy to have her. The trippy part is...
I am so happy to be 30 years old. I feel as if my world is opening up and things are beginning...
But as I get older so does my mother. She seems more mortal now. There was a time when she was Super Woman...Able to Spank 5 Kids with a Single Belt! lol
Now, she's getting older and that leaves so many doors open. I'm afraid of some of those doors, y'all.
So with happiness in my heart I wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Blessed Kwanzaa, and whatever celebration that you deal with I hope you have a good time!
Until next time you crazy readers!
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
DISTURBING!!!!
You won't believe this but it's true...
I am currently listening to LeAnn Rimes doing a cover of "Purple Rain."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I'm like stuck, I don't know what to do. It's like a car crash, I want to turn away but I'm just so disturbed that I can't. It just hurts. It bothers me. And she's trying to sing with all of her heart, but it's PRINCE's song!!! The only person who can get away with that is Sinead O'Connor with "Nothing Compares to You" and that is because she did the song BEFORE Prince put it on his album. I guess you can say that Prince did a cover to a song that he wrote for her. Other than that, NO!!!! STOP!!!! You can't cover a Prince song! Especially one from the Purple Rain soundtrack!!!! That's sacred! That's like....
That's like...
William Hung doing a cover of a song from "The Bodyguard Soundtrack!" You may think I'm over-exaggerating and yes I KNOW that she can sing and he can't but it's still a travesty nonetheless and it shouldn't have happened! You just can't take a song like that! Oh man!
I need to go wash out my ears. Pour some bleach in them and let it swirl around, maybe it will help me forget what I just heard...
It's just so wrong...
So very wrong...
Like Donald Trump doing a Play Girl spread wrong...
Okay now I've injured my mind more. I'll stop writing now.
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
I am currently listening to LeAnn Rimes doing a cover of "Purple Rain."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I'm like stuck, I don't know what to do. It's like a car crash, I want to turn away but I'm just so disturbed that I can't. It just hurts. It bothers me. And she's trying to sing with all of her heart, but it's PRINCE's song!!! The only person who can get away with that is Sinead O'Connor with "Nothing Compares to You" and that is because she did the song BEFORE Prince put it on his album. I guess you can say that Prince did a cover to a song that he wrote for her. Other than that, NO!!!! STOP!!!! You can't cover a Prince song! Especially one from the Purple Rain soundtrack!!!! That's sacred! That's like....
That's like...
William Hung doing a cover of a song from "The Bodyguard Soundtrack!" You may think I'm over-exaggerating and yes I KNOW that she can sing and he can't but it's still a travesty nonetheless and it shouldn't have happened! You just can't take a song like that! Oh man!
I need to go wash out my ears. Pour some bleach in them and let it swirl around, maybe it will help me forget what I just heard...
It's just so wrong...
So very wrong...
Like Donald Trump doing a Play Girl spread wrong...
Okay now I've injured my mind more. I'll stop writing now.
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Monday, October 20, 2008
It HURTS!!!
It's here again, the one thing that most artists hate...
You have the need to write but it hurts to do so....
That's all I have to report, hopefully this will break soon.
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease.
You have the need to write but it hurts to do so....
That's all I have to report, hopefully this will break soon.
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Names
So, recently my mom told me that we have been pronouncing my cousin's name incorrectly. That it's pronounce Ah-she-a and not Ai-she-a. My cousin is older than me. She's well into her 30's. I inquired as to why her mother allowed for the ENTIRE family to pronounce her name wrong and I found out that it was my fault.
It turns out that when I was younger, I had a hard time pronouncing her name, so it was changed to accommodate my inability to articulate. Interesting, don't you think?
A little child was able to change the way her cousin's name was pronounced! Here's the scary part...
WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME?! What is so hard with correcting a child? No child is able to pronounce hard names. Heck, my step sister for many years called me Mashie. Does that mean that everyone in my family should call me Mashie? That's too much power to give to a child. If I were my cousin, I would have been upset once people started to mispronounce my name! She's about 7 years older than me so that means that at the age of 10, she went from Ah-she-a, to Ai-she-a. Didn't she fight? I would have!
It makes me smile but then again, it also makes me sad. Well not really sad, just confused...
Why wouldn't anyone correct me? Why would they change the name of their daughter just because a toddler couldn't pronounce it? I find this out 26 years later...
Insanity I tell you! Because of ONE CHILD.
Should I be happy because I have some sort of weird unspoken power in my household? Or should I pity her?
Gee whiz...How many of you would allow that to happen? If you were Ah-she-a (I'm spelling her name phonetically)? If you were her mom? Her father? Her older sister?
Good grief!
*sigh*
Unitl next time Faithful Five, etc.
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
It turns out that when I was younger, I had a hard time pronouncing her name, so it was changed to accommodate my inability to articulate. Interesting, don't you think?
A little child was able to change the way her cousin's name was pronounced! Here's the scary part...
WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME?! What is so hard with correcting a child? No child is able to pronounce hard names. Heck, my step sister for many years called me Mashie. Does that mean that everyone in my family should call me Mashie? That's too much power to give to a child. If I were my cousin, I would have been upset once people started to mispronounce my name! She's about 7 years older than me so that means that at the age of 10, she went from Ah-she-a, to Ai-she-a. Didn't she fight? I would have!
It makes me smile but then again, it also makes me sad. Well not really sad, just confused...
Why wouldn't anyone correct me? Why would they change the name of their daughter just because a toddler couldn't pronounce it? I find this out 26 years later...
Insanity I tell you! Because of ONE CHILD.
Should I be happy because I have some sort of weird unspoken power in my household? Or should I pity her?
Gee whiz...How many of you would allow that to happen? If you were Ah-she-a (I'm spelling her name phonetically)? If you were her mom? Her father? Her older sister?
Good grief!
*sigh*
Unitl next time Faithful Five, etc.
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Sunday, October 05, 2008
4:18 am
It's 4:18 am...
It's been a while since I've written a blog. The last entry was an angry entry. Wow, I was pretty darn angry wasn't I? You know, there was a time when I would hold that anger in? Yup! I would internalize it. That made me a very dangerous person. I was a ticking time bomb. I was also making myself sick. It wasn't until I got to college when I met a few friends who were strong enough to express their anger, that's when I learned that expressing anger was necessary...
But that post is in the past, right? Yup!
Let's move on, shall we?
Are you all going to vote? No, I'm not going to tell you who to vote for. Now will I make a speech about which party is the best...All in all politics is like this:
No matter who you vote for, you will get anally screwed. You have to pick the person who is going to be nice enough to use a condom and lubricant.
Wow, that was pretty graphic and pessimistic, eh?
Yea. I'll admit that it is, but regardless of what you think about my statement, tell me one thing:
Have you EVER met a politician who was completely honest? Sure, you can't please everyone all the time, but as politicians get older and more experienced they tend to forget the people who put them there...
And honeychild, that's on BOTH SIDES OF THE PARTY!
I'll admit that I'm an independent and it's interesting to have a black man running for President because now, if I say that I'm voting for him, then I'm doing so because I'm black and he's black. It isn't because I watch the debates and check out the candidate's websites. No, it's because I'm not smart enough to get to know both sides. It's because I'm being emotional and voting for someone who looks like me as a means to stick it to the white man. It's because I am still looking for my 40 acres and a Mule...
Those who know me answer me this...Does this sound like me? Of course not!
Of course I have seen the people who help fuel these stereotypes. About a year ago, Massachusetts had a black man run for Governor. I worked at the voting polls on that day. There were some people that we met who were very versed in both sides. The ones that stood out were the ones who looked for the black candidate. My favorite was the guy who called me over, pointed to the Governor's name and asked, "Is this the black guy?" I couldn't answer his question because that was the rules, but I was shocked. I mean, why didn't he write down the name? Or at least remember it?!
Does black necessarily mean better? No. I can name several blacks who haven't done much for the American citizens. Notice that I said American citizens and not BLACK PEOPLE? *smiles*
Whenever you elect someone into office, they should be elected because they are going to serve the whole and not one race. There is a lot of talk of whether or not America is ready for a black President, but what does that mean necessarily? Does that mean that having a black man for President is drastically going to change everything. Once he's elected are we all going to go to sleep and wake up in a hip hop video? Instead of coming down to "Hail to the Chief" will he crypt walk to a P. Diddy song? What is going to change? What is the big deal? The only difference will be instead of seeing a pair of blue/brown/green eyes with pale skin and straight hair talking to us on the television, we're going to see a pair of dark eyes, curly hair, and tanned skin. Instead of trying to solve the world's problems by having meetings and peace talks, will he say, "Break yo' self fool!"
Again, I'm not saying who you should vote for, I'm just curious as to how different will things be with a black President? Why can't people look at both candidates for what they stand for and not the color of their skin? Isn't that what Martin Luther King Jr. talked about in his "I Have A Dream" speech?
Will he come on tv with a rib in one hand and a glass of koolaid in another? I can understand of Flavor Flav or some other extreme ghetto person were running for President but that is not the case.
People aren't asking if America is ready for an old President as if McCain is going to be sitting in a rockin' chair with his grandchildren surrounded by him as he retells stories about the good ol' days and the day that grandma forgot to change his depends. He's not going to sit there talking to America while being fed stewed prunes and getting his hair dyed blue by some beauty school reject. He won't walk around attached to a machine that will help him breathe nor would he have a cane that he would shake at those who walk on the White House Lawn.
"DARN KIDS! YOU GET OFF MY PROPERTY! I KNOW YOUR MOTHER! I SAW HER WHEN YOUR GRANDMOTHER BROUGHT HER HOME FROM SCHOOL!"
Sorry, I've been thinking about this for a while now and I needed to get it out. Sorry about my absence, I did a friend a favor and worked at her job for 4 weeks. It darn near killed me but it did kill my artistic flow. They asked me to stay but the stress there was so unbearable that I chose myself and my happiness over a job.
Call me crazy but working yourself to death is the dumbest thing in the world...
It's not worth it! Not in my eyes. My art would die too...Who am I if I can't express myself artistically? No one, I tell you. No one.
4:46 am and I am extremely tired. I shall end this now. Pardon any grammatical errors. I find that the more that I blog, the less I want to edit. I'm lazy. I know. So sue me.
Anyways...
Until next time...Faithful Five and the rest of you guys,
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
It's been a while since I've written a blog. The last entry was an angry entry. Wow, I was pretty darn angry wasn't I? You know, there was a time when I would hold that anger in? Yup! I would internalize it. That made me a very dangerous person. I was a ticking time bomb. I was also making myself sick. It wasn't until I got to college when I met a few friends who were strong enough to express their anger, that's when I learned that expressing anger was necessary...
But that post is in the past, right? Yup!
Let's move on, shall we?
Are you all going to vote? No, I'm not going to tell you who to vote for. Now will I make a speech about which party is the best...All in all politics is like this:
No matter who you vote for, you will get anally screwed. You have to pick the person who is going to be nice enough to use a condom and lubricant.
Wow, that was pretty graphic and pessimistic, eh?
Yea. I'll admit that it is, but regardless of what you think about my statement, tell me one thing:
Have you EVER met a politician who was completely honest? Sure, you can't please everyone all the time, but as politicians get older and more experienced they tend to forget the people who put them there...
And honeychild, that's on BOTH SIDES OF THE PARTY!
I'll admit that I'm an independent and it's interesting to have a black man running for President because now, if I say that I'm voting for him, then I'm doing so because I'm black and he's black. It isn't because I watch the debates and check out the candidate's websites. No, it's because I'm not smart enough to get to know both sides. It's because I'm being emotional and voting for someone who looks like me as a means to stick it to the white man. It's because I am still looking for my 40 acres and a Mule...
Those who know me answer me this...Does this sound like me? Of course not!
Of course I have seen the people who help fuel these stereotypes. About a year ago, Massachusetts had a black man run for Governor. I worked at the voting polls on that day. There were some people that we met who were very versed in both sides. The ones that stood out were the ones who looked for the black candidate. My favorite was the guy who called me over, pointed to the Governor's name and asked, "Is this the black guy?" I couldn't answer his question because that was the rules, but I was shocked. I mean, why didn't he write down the name? Or at least remember it?!
Does black necessarily mean better? No. I can name several blacks who haven't done much for the American citizens. Notice that I said American citizens and not BLACK PEOPLE? *smiles*
Whenever you elect someone into office, they should be elected because they are going to serve the whole and not one race. There is a lot of talk of whether or not America is ready for a black President, but what does that mean necessarily? Does that mean that having a black man for President is drastically going to change everything. Once he's elected are we all going to go to sleep and wake up in a hip hop video? Instead of coming down to "Hail to the Chief" will he crypt walk to a P. Diddy song? What is going to change? What is the big deal? The only difference will be instead of seeing a pair of blue/brown/green eyes with pale skin and straight hair talking to us on the television, we're going to see a pair of dark eyes, curly hair, and tanned skin. Instead of trying to solve the world's problems by having meetings and peace talks, will he say, "Break yo' self fool!"
Again, I'm not saying who you should vote for, I'm just curious as to how different will things be with a black President? Why can't people look at both candidates for what they stand for and not the color of their skin? Isn't that what Martin Luther King Jr. talked about in his "I Have A Dream" speech?
Will he come on tv with a rib in one hand and a glass of koolaid in another? I can understand of Flavor Flav or some other extreme ghetto person were running for President but that is not the case.
People aren't asking if America is ready for an old President as if McCain is going to be sitting in a rockin' chair with his grandchildren surrounded by him as he retells stories about the good ol' days and the day that grandma forgot to change his depends. He's not going to sit there talking to America while being fed stewed prunes and getting his hair dyed blue by some beauty school reject. He won't walk around attached to a machine that will help him breathe nor would he have a cane that he would shake at those who walk on the White House Lawn.
"DARN KIDS! YOU GET OFF MY PROPERTY! I KNOW YOUR MOTHER! I SAW HER WHEN YOUR GRANDMOTHER BROUGHT HER HOME FROM SCHOOL!"
Sorry, I've been thinking about this for a while now and I needed to get it out. Sorry about my absence, I did a friend a favor and worked at her job for 4 weeks. It darn near killed me but it did kill my artistic flow. They asked me to stay but the stress there was so unbearable that I chose myself and my happiness over a job.
Call me crazy but working yourself to death is the dumbest thing in the world...
It's not worth it! Not in my eyes. My art would die too...Who am I if I can't express myself artistically? No one, I tell you. No one.
4:46 am and I am extremely tired. I shall end this now. Pardon any grammatical errors. I find that the more that I blog, the less I want to edit. I'm lazy. I know. So sue me.
Anyways...
Until next time...Faithful Five and the rest of you guys,
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Thursday, September 04, 2008
When Friends Betray
So here I am...
I was more upset a 1/2 hour ago but after some singing/dancing, I'm better. Much better. So now it's time to process and since I have a blog I was either going to process here or in my journal. Then I realized something...
I haven't written in my journal in AGES. So here I am...
Tonight I had a friend betray me, but I think that what bothers me the most is I knew it was going to happen. What's worse?
1. Not thinking that a friend would betray you and it happens.
2. Knowing that your friend will betray you and it happens.
It's the second and I know that is what has pissed me off at this entire situation. Oh wait, the situation...
Okay, so a guy who supposedly calls me his sister has a girlfriend. A recent person who has made him happy...I'll admit that as a "sister" I'm overprotective and I personally...Well let's not get into personals, but let me say this, I was all for him finally finding happiness.
Anyways, tonight his girlfriend took something that I said too serious. I'm used to that to be truthful. It happens all the time. I don't take life seriously nor do I take myself that way either, but there have been times when folks took me seriously when it's not even like that. Let me say this, if I wanted to take something seriously and if I didn't like a person, I'm not the type to lie about it or to smile in someone's face. My friend once brought a girl around me that she KNEW that I didn't like. While the girl was in the other room, I asked my friend why she brought that child around me. When my friend got embarrassed and asked me to stop it, I replied, "You know I don't like her! What is she going to do kick my butt? I don't think so!"
So yea, I'm brutally honest. But you know what? Allow me to be brutally honest right now, ya dig?
The more I thought of this situation, the more upset I got...The fact that I'm helping out with a stressful job isn't helping but when I'm right...Then I'm right. I am big enough to admit when I'm wrong, but in this situation I am not wrong. So while I'm thinking this, I started to get more and more upset, why?
BECAUSE I KNEW THAT NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW RIGHT I WAS IN THIS SITUATION, MY SO CALLED FRIEND WAS GOING TO TAKE HIS WOMAN'S SIDE.
Yet he's known me longer. So first he came at me in a blaming way, like it was my fault because he wants to protect her. If I were a stranger, that's one thing because you don't know where I'm coming from...
But I'm your supposed "sister" and I use quotes because right now I don't think I will ever feel like that again. I've had situations where I had tiffs with my male friends' girlfriends. When you have close guy friends, that's going to happen. In one situation, before going to check on his girlfriend, my friend Tony checked on me first. I was fine and I told him to go check on her because I had to get over my anger. That friendship was salvaged because he played his cards right but then again, Tony really treats me like his little sister. So instead of making me the bad guy to appease his girlfriend, he was truly a mediator.
Not in this case. In this case, I knew that he was going to jump to her side. I knew that he was going to piss me off. I knew that I was going to get betrayed and because of it, I started to get more and more angry. By the time he pulled what I knew he was going to pull, I was ready but since my anger was already elevated, I exploded. I cursed him out a little bit...Well more in my head, but I got upset to the point where I started to shake. Hell, I can feel my body tensing up right now. Remind me to meditate.
The funny part is through all of this...I'm still not going after her, yet she claims that I go after her all the time. Remember what I said about honesty?
Don't you think that if I was going after someone, they would know? If you don't know that answer, find someone who truly knows me and then ask them. (Uh, Harry take my word for it. lol) So where do I go from here?
Well, it's not like I really went out of my way to talk to her, but now I really don't feel the need to do it. I told him that if she steps to me then it will be on, it's just that simple and that I have the need to show her what it feels like to have me after her. For some stupid reason, I still feel the need to respect him so I won't do there.
Why would she do this?
1. Jealousy - It's usually customary for the girlfriend to be jealous of the best female friend because no matter what, that friend is going to stay in his life.
2. Anger - She can't talk to him everyday yet I can. I don't call him all the time but he does call me. Also, we are part of a couple of projects that forces us to spend more time together. Heck, my boyfriend doesn't mind because he comes first and he has first dibs on my time. She doesn't have that luxury.
3. She's a little insecure girl who is probably on her period....
Okay I'm still upset here. I just want to smack her with a snickers bar or something. In the past, I stuck my neck out for her but whatever.
I guess I'm an evil girl who has nothing better else to do than to mess with my friend's fragile little girlfriend.
As if.
As for him (do you think he's going to walk away without nothing?), he's lost something important...
My trust. It takes me a while to open up and it takes me a while to open up completely. I haven't done that with him and now I won't...ever.
I will never EVER ask a friend to choose between me and his girlfriend...I'm the type of person to just leave him with his woman. I don't need new friends. I have all that I need. They tell me when I'm wrong and they stand up for me when I'm right...Regardless of who is on the other side. WIth my man, there have been times when he's flipped out and I've taken him to the side and said, "Baby, you're wrong. You're overreacting. Stop it, you're embarrassing yourself."
Isn't that what a relationship is about? How can you have a relationship if you can't tell the truth?
Speaking of relationship, I told him that one day I'll get over this, but right now I can't stand to look at him. I just don't know how long that is going to last.
How can I trust someone who is going to attack me when their girlfriend overreacts?
I can't...
So this will get interesting.
Okay Faithful Five (And all the rest...Especially YOU, how could you do this to me? You truly TRULY hurt me and I'll never forget this.)
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease.
I was more upset a 1/2 hour ago but after some singing/dancing, I'm better. Much better. So now it's time to process and since I have a blog I was either going to process here or in my journal. Then I realized something...
I haven't written in my journal in AGES. So here I am...
Tonight I had a friend betray me, but I think that what bothers me the most is I knew it was going to happen. What's worse?
1. Not thinking that a friend would betray you and it happens.
2. Knowing that your friend will betray you and it happens.
It's the second and I know that is what has pissed me off at this entire situation. Oh wait, the situation...
Okay, so a guy who supposedly calls me his sister has a girlfriend. A recent person who has made him happy...I'll admit that as a "sister" I'm overprotective and I personally...Well let's not get into personals, but let me say this, I was all for him finally finding happiness.
Anyways, tonight his girlfriend took something that I said too serious. I'm used to that to be truthful. It happens all the time. I don't take life seriously nor do I take myself that way either, but there have been times when folks took me seriously when it's not even like that. Let me say this, if I wanted to take something seriously and if I didn't like a person, I'm not the type to lie about it or to smile in someone's face. My friend once brought a girl around me that she KNEW that I didn't like. While the girl was in the other room, I asked my friend why she brought that child around me. When my friend got embarrassed and asked me to stop it, I replied, "You know I don't like her! What is she going to do kick my butt? I don't think so!"
So yea, I'm brutally honest. But you know what? Allow me to be brutally honest right now, ya dig?
The more I thought of this situation, the more upset I got...The fact that I'm helping out with a stressful job isn't helping but when I'm right...Then I'm right. I am big enough to admit when I'm wrong, but in this situation I am not wrong. So while I'm thinking this, I started to get more and more upset, why?
BECAUSE I KNEW THAT NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW RIGHT I WAS IN THIS SITUATION, MY SO CALLED FRIEND WAS GOING TO TAKE HIS WOMAN'S SIDE.
Yet he's known me longer. So first he came at me in a blaming way, like it was my fault because he wants to protect her. If I were a stranger, that's one thing because you don't know where I'm coming from...
But I'm your supposed "sister" and I use quotes because right now I don't think I will ever feel like that again. I've had situations where I had tiffs with my male friends' girlfriends. When you have close guy friends, that's going to happen. In one situation, before going to check on his girlfriend, my friend Tony checked on me first. I was fine and I told him to go check on her because I had to get over my anger. That friendship was salvaged because he played his cards right but then again, Tony really treats me like his little sister. So instead of making me the bad guy to appease his girlfriend, he was truly a mediator.
Not in this case. In this case, I knew that he was going to jump to her side. I knew that he was going to piss me off. I knew that I was going to get betrayed and because of it, I started to get more and more angry. By the time he pulled what I knew he was going to pull, I was ready but since my anger was already elevated, I exploded. I cursed him out a little bit...Well more in my head, but I got upset to the point where I started to shake. Hell, I can feel my body tensing up right now. Remind me to meditate.
The funny part is through all of this...I'm still not going after her, yet she claims that I go after her all the time. Remember what I said about honesty?
Don't you think that if I was going after someone, they would know? If you don't know that answer, find someone who truly knows me and then ask them. (Uh, Harry take my word for it. lol) So where do I go from here?
Well, it's not like I really went out of my way to talk to her, but now I really don't feel the need to do it. I told him that if she steps to me then it will be on, it's just that simple and that I have the need to show her what it feels like to have me after her. For some stupid reason, I still feel the need to respect him so I won't do there.
Why would she do this?
1. Jealousy - It's usually customary for the girlfriend to be jealous of the best female friend because no matter what, that friend is going to stay in his life.
2. Anger - She can't talk to him everyday yet I can. I don't call him all the time but he does call me. Also, we are part of a couple of projects that forces us to spend more time together. Heck, my boyfriend doesn't mind because he comes first and he has first dibs on my time. She doesn't have that luxury.
3. She's a little insecure girl who is probably on her period....
Okay I'm still upset here. I just want to smack her with a snickers bar or something. In the past, I stuck my neck out for her but whatever.
I guess I'm an evil girl who has nothing better else to do than to mess with my friend's fragile little girlfriend.
As if.
As for him (do you think he's going to walk away without nothing?), he's lost something important...
My trust. It takes me a while to open up and it takes me a while to open up completely. I haven't done that with him and now I won't...ever.
I will never EVER ask a friend to choose between me and his girlfriend...I'm the type of person to just leave him with his woman. I don't need new friends. I have all that I need. They tell me when I'm wrong and they stand up for me when I'm right...Regardless of who is on the other side. WIth my man, there have been times when he's flipped out and I've taken him to the side and said, "Baby, you're wrong. You're overreacting. Stop it, you're embarrassing yourself."
Isn't that what a relationship is about? How can you have a relationship if you can't tell the truth?
Speaking of relationship, I told him that one day I'll get over this, but right now I can't stand to look at him. I just don't know how long that is going to last.
How can I trust someone who is going to attack me when their girlfriend overreacts?
I can't...
So this will get interesting.
Okay Faithful Five (And all the rest...Especially YOU, how could you do this to me? You truly TRULY hurt me and I'll never forget this.)
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
TWITTER!
Okay Guys!
For those who follow my blog and drop by to be disappointed by my laziness on a frequent basis, I have found this website...
More like my boyfriend begged me to join this so he could test it. But it's called Twitter. If you sign up you can receive messages for when I update my blog. If you don't sign up, all you have to do is go to this page:
http://twitter.com/MShellC
And you'll be able to see if I have updated my blog there. :)
YAY! Now I think this will give me the energy to update this more...It's sorta like a report card. lol
I'll use it to update other things like when I post artwork on Deviant Art or when I put up more of my voice demos. lol
That is all! I'll talk to you guys soon!
Faithful Five...etc...(lol)
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
For those who follow my blog and drop by to be disappointed by my laziness on a frequent basis, I have found this website...
More like my boyfriend begged me to join this so he could test it. But it's called Twitter. If you sign up you can receive messages for when I update my blog. If you don't sign up, all you have to do is go to this page:
http://twitter.com/MShellC
And you'll be able to see if I have updated my blog there. :)
YAY! Now I think this will give me the energy to update this more...It's sorta like a report card. lol
I'll use it to update other things like when I post artwork on Deviant Art or when I put up more of my voice demos. lol
That is all! I'll talk to you guys soon!
Faithful Five...etc...(lol)
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
One question...
They can create a pill that make the penis grow bigger, but they can't do other things like create a pill that cures AIDS, or Cancer, or Sickle Cell, or Diabetes...
They can talk about celebrities on the News but they can't talk about what's happening in 3rd world countries where their lives are wracked with Civil Wars and genocides...
They can afford to drop millions of dollars on entertainment like movies and sports figures but they can't afford to give our schools money to help boost the quality of education that our kids receive...
They can pay farmers money to NOT plant food and produce fruits/vegetables but they can't feed every single last American...
Why?
Because our government and our people have messed up priorities...
There are many more examples of this but it's 4 am here and I need to sleep. I needed to get these thoughts out because they were bothering me.
Until next time Faithful Five (and the rest of you people. lol)
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
They can talk about celebrities on the News but they can't talk about what's happening in 3rd world countries where their lives are wracked with Civil Wars and genocides...
They can afford to drop millions of dollars on entertainment like movies and sports figures but they can't afford to give our schools money to help boost the quality of education that our kids receive...
They can pay farmers money to NOT plant food and produce fruits/vegetables but they can't feed every single last American...
Why?
Because our government and our people have messed up priorities...
There are many more examples of this but it's 4 am here and I need to sleep. I needed to get these thoughts out because they were bothering me.
Until next time Faithful Five (and the rest of you people. lol)
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Monday, August 18, 2008
I Don't Understand
Okay so back to this online website that I work for as an administrator:
I am to the point where I feel physically/mentally drained but instead of allowing them to drain me, I've decided to put some quiet hours into effect. The quiet hours will compose of 90% of my life! lol I'm the kinda person who everyone comes to for advice. So they all come to me for advice...
Now my question is, for a website that is based on hip hop and comic books, why is there a lot of drama?! The majority of the drama lies within one group! I don't understand mob mentalities...I don't participate in them either yet I see people who I respect falling in line like sheep everyday.
For those who don't know me, I am a non-conformist through and through. I am used to working for changes. I see things that I don't like and that aren't effective I speak up and try to help foster some change. I guess cats like me are an anomaly?
Most likely because I see adults on a game site who are unhappy because they want to stay in a particular group. Yes, it is like high school! You have your different cliques but these cliques are based on the typical comic book divisions like Heroes, Villains, Vigilantes, Beatniks, and Nomads. Guess what group I'm in? *winks*
Anyways, I understand folks inability to stand up for themselves in real life...But on a computer gaming site? You would think that being over a computer and interacting with people that you'll never meet would make folks bold, but it doesn't. They become more afraid of standing up for themselves, going against the grain, and even leaving their own cliques.
To me, it's SICK AND INSANE. You may call me judgmental but is the site paying these people's bills? It's not like it's a job that supports you and your families. It's not putting food on your tables so why do you care about what people who don't know you think about you?
I will never understand the complexities of the human nature, but dang it...It is making me sick to my stomach.
Give me a non-conformist any day! To all my non-conformists I say, if I could surround myself with you all, I would! I would put all the sheep to one side of the world and we'll rule the other 1/2. Wouldn't that sound good? I think so!
Okay Faithful Five (and you slackers),
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
I am to the point where I feel physically/mentally drained but instead of allowing them to drain me, I've decided to put some quiet hours into effect. The quiet hours will compose of 90% of my life! lol I'm the kinda person who everyone comes to for advice. So they all come to me for advice...
Now my question is, for a website that is based on hip hop and comic books, why is there a lot of drama?! The majority of the drama lies within one group! I don't understand mob mentalities...I don't participate in them either yet I see people who I respect falling in line like sheep everyday.
For those who don't know me, I am a non-conformist through and through. I am used to working for changes. I see things that I don't like and that aren't effective I speak up and try to help foster some change. I guess cats like me are an anomaly?
Most likely because I see adults on a game site who are unhappy because they want to stay in a particular group. Yes, it is like high school! You have your different cliques but these cliques are based on the typical comic book divisions like Heroes, Villains, Vigilantes, Beatniks, and Nomads. Guess what group I'm in? *winks*
Anyways, I understand folks inability to stand up for themselves in real life...But on a computer gaming site? You would think that being over a computer and interacting with people that you'll never meet would make folks bold, but it doesn't. They become more afraid of standing up for themselves, going against the grain, and even leaving their own cliques.
To me, it's SICK AND INSANE. You may call me judgmental but is the site paying these people's bills? It's not like it's a job that supports you and your families. It's not putting food on your tables so why do you care about what people who don't know you think about you?
I will never understand the complexities of the human nature, but dang it...It is making me sick to my stomach.
Give me a non-conformist any day! To all my non-conformists I say, if I could surround myself with you all, I would! I would put all the sheep to one side of the world and we'll rule the other 1/2. Wouldn't that sound good? I think so!
Okay Faithful Five (and you slackers),
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
Thursday, August 07, 2008
(Insert your own title here)
For those who may not know this, I work on a website. It's a funky site. I started out about 2-3 years ago as a regular member. I wanted to find a place to play cool games and there it was! I got to meet the makers of the site and they were both cool guys so I started to help them out a bit. It started with small tasks and after 2 years, I was finally made an administrator...Which was totally cool in my book. lol
But I'm not here to brag...I sorta need to vent and vent in a hardcore manner. It could be because my sleep was interrupted by a disturbing dream that had me die twice or it could be because, as my friend Gen put it, it's my time o' the month. lol
In either case, I still need to vent. You see, this site started out as a fun kids' site. Adults were there and we liked it because we could regress a lil bit, pretend to be super beings, and interact with each other. Those were the days I tell you. We never took anything to heart and the atmosphere was completely light...We knew each other and the entire idea was, "I KNOW 'Greg' didn't mean that in a serious way because that's not how he is!" The problem is, as the site grew, it became harder for us to get to know each other personally. I know for me, one of my old yahoo instant messenger ids was retired because I had too many people on there talking to me. I could write or create while talking to 5 or more people. It was completely hard, I couldn't take it any longer so I go on there only when people ask me to do so...
But I'm not here to talk about that...
Why is it that adults have to spoil something so innocent? As much as my friends tell me that this isn't true, I still wonder if I'm also part of the problem? When you tease someone you barely know, they are going to take it seriously and explode. In addition, I don't know if you all know this but I can pretty much push anyone's button. I could make Mother Theresa reach out and swing at me...I just have that personality. In real life I don't do that unless pushed to the extreme but on the site, I let my playful nature play...Because it's a game...Right? Well, I don't think most folks know that I'm a very playful person AND I don't know how these folks live...
Some of them *puts on psychologist hat* really seem as if they have a bad life. It's as if people spend their time picking on them so they come to the site to be the big bad person who picks on others. It's their way of sticking it to those who hurt them on a daily basis. Now add my playful teasing nature to this situation...What do you have?
That's right an explosion. In the beginning I was SO careful with how I interacted with folks but they kept poking me playfully. lol But those were people in the past, most of them have left and we even had a few who passed away, which was painful...
At this moment, I'm stepping away from the social aspect of the site. I know...I know..."Max is that POSSIBLE?!" Yes, lol, it is. After grad school, I've pretty much been tamed. I guess it was the 3 years living on my own working full time and going to school full time. If you wanted to get good grades, you couldn't spend too much time socializing...It was nearly impossible! *smiles*
Somehow I blame myself for some of the issues on the site and because of that, I'm going to remove myself. If anyone from that site is reading this, let me ask you something...
If you were a kid and you were reading all of this, what would you think?
I know if I placed myself in their shoes, I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. Heck I would leave a find a child friendly site that didn't allow adults to come play. lol Seriously...
Everyone, including myself, need to think about the purpose of the site and work towards it...If you can't do that, then why are you on an adult site? There are adult sites all over the internet...Join one of those.
Pensively Yours,
Max
But I'm not here to brag...I sorta need to vent and vent in a hardcore manner. It could be because my sleep was interrupted by a disturbing dream that had me die twice or it could be because, as my friend Gen put it, it's my time o' the month. lol
In either case, I still need to vent. You see, this site started out as a fun kids' site. Adults were there and we liked it because we could regress a lil bit, pretend to be super beings, and interact with each other. Those were the days I tell you. We never took anything to heart and the atmosphere was completely light...We knew each other and the entire idea was, "I KNOW 'Greg' didn't mean that in a serious way because that's not how he is!" The problem is, as the site grew, it became harder for us to get to know each other personally. I know for me, one of my old yahoo instant messenger ids was retired because I had too many people on there talking to me. I could write or create while talking to 5 or more people. It was completely hard, I couldn't take it any longer so I go on there only when people ask me to do so...
But I'm not here to talk about that...
Why is it that adults have to spoil something so innocent? As much as my friends tell me that this isn't true, I still wonder if I'm also part of the problem? When you tease someone you barely know, they are going to take it seriously and explode. In addition, I don't know if you all know this but I can pretty much push anyone's button. I could make Mother Theresa reach out and swing at me...I just have that personality. In real life I don't do that unless pushed to the extreme but on the site, I let my playful nature play...Because it's a game...Right? Well, I don't think most folks know that I'm a very playful person AND I don't know how these folks live...
Some of them *puts on psychologist hat* really seem as if they have a bad life. It's as if people spend their time picking on them so they come to the site to be the big bad person who picks on others. It's their way of sticking it to those who hurt them on a daily basis. Now add my playful teasing nature to this situation...What do you have?
That's right an explosion. In the beginning I was SO careful with how I interacted with folks but they kept poking me playfully. lol But those were people in the past, most of them have left and we even had a few who passed away, which was painful...
At this moment, I'm stepping away from the social aspect of the site. I know...I know..."Max is that POSSIBLE?!" Yes, lol, it is. After grad school, I've pretty much been tamed. I guess it was the 3 years living on my own working full time and going to school full time. If you wanted to get good grades, you couldn't spend too much time socializing...It was nearly impossible! *smiles*
Somehow I blame myself for some of the issues on the site and because of that, I'm going to remove myself. If anyone from that site is reading this, let me ask you something...
If you were a kid and you were reading all of this, what would you think?
I know if I placed myself in their shoes, I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. Heck I would leave a find a child friendly site that didn't allow adults to come play. lol Seriously...
Everyone, including myself, need to think about the purpose of the site and work towards it...If you can't do that, then why are you on an adult site? There are adult sites all over the internet...Join one of those.
Pensively Yours,
Max
Thursday, July 31, 2008
2:15 am
Why am I up? Sometimes you go through things that make you numb at the end. So here I am, clenched jaw, confused emotions, tears in my eyes. I'm angry, I'm PISSED...I've dropped a few f-bombs without guilt...
You claim that you trusted me
But why can't you see what I see?
You brought me close to help your dream
Yet you force me to swim up stream
Makin' it difficult for me to assist
Whackin' me on the head so I won't persist
Perfection isn't my motto it's not what I am
But I'm tryin' give me a break...DAMN!
Tell me how you want things done and ran
Any type of hint would make life grand
Responses to my actions make me feel dumb
And instead of feeling okay, I feel numb
Your commands go against all that's right
When all I'm doing is tryin' to help the site
My funky existence has dropped to hell
My arteries have hardened like on sickle cell
Instead of sleepin' I stay up and think
These situations have put my nerves on the brink
To the point where I wonder if it's smart
To stick around and to finish what I start
Smile nice, purty and follow your mission
And before I make a move ask for permission
It once called to me and now it gives pain
If you wondered why, this should have explained
Now I can sleep. This is the first poem that I have written in a long LONG time...
It bothers me that it was because I was upset. Oh well...
We don't chose when we make art sometimes...It pulls us over and says, "DO THIS NOW!"
...Bye.
You claim that you trusted me
But why can't you see what I see?
You brought me close to help your dream
Yet you force me to swim up stream
Makin' it difficult for me to assist
Whackin' me on the head so I won't persist
Perfection isn't my motto it's not what I am
But I'm tryin' give me a break...DAMN!
Tell me how you want things done and ran
Any type of hint would make life grand
Responses to my actions make me feel dumb
And instead of feeling okay, I feel numb
Your commands go against all that's right
When all I'm doing is tryin' to help the site
My funky existence has dropped to hell
My arteries have hardened like on sickle cell
Instead of sleepin' I stay up and think
These situations have put my nerves on the brink
To the point where I wonder if it's smart
To stick around and to finish what I start
Smile nice, purty and follow your mission
And before I make a move ask for permission
It once called to me and now it gives pain
If you wondered why, this should have explained
Now I can sleep. This is the first poem that I have written in a long LONG time...
It bothers me that it was because I was upset. Oh well...
We don't chose when we make art sometimes...It pulls us over and says, "DO THIS NOW!"
...Bye.
Friday, July 25, 2008
2:00 am
It's 2 am and uh, I'm still up. Well, this isn't new for me. I usually have to force myself to go to bed at a decent time (1 am) but tonight I decided to let myself to go 2 am. (Last night I went until 3 am but yea, I paid the price for that). I'm writing now because for some reason I finally feel free. This entire day I was sorta in a funk, a deep funk that I couldn't break. The funky also came with extreme tiredness and the "I don't give a care" emotions. Now, I feel like I do care. I'm smiling. My mind is clear...
Only for me to go to bed again...
You know what? I miss this blog. I don't miss it because folks read it, no, it's not like that. I miss it because it was my way to get out my thoughts. To put it in a place where I can read back on it and if necessary, use it to make a friend smile. Yes there are diaries and I have about 5 of them, but I share those things with no one...Although I did tell my boyfriend that one day I'll let him read it but I'm not sure if he would want to do so...
I don't care how much people say that they want to know the truth, there are still somethings that we are better not knowing...
EVER.
You aren't lying...You aren't protecting them...
You just don't need to open up that box.
The weird part is, lately the people who I have grown up with are contacting me on Facebook, something I joined because my friend Mark, who's an opera singer, uploads new videos of himself there and I need to be on there so I can have access to them. People from the town of Lynnfield, where I bused to school. (A little history, Massachusetts has a busing program called METCO. METCO took inner-city kids and bused them to the suburbs so while I had a city upbringing, there's a part of me that craves nature...And I think it has to deal with the fact that Lynnfield was surrounded by it. lol)
Anyways, I kept in contact with 1 or 2 people from Lynnfield because while growing up I often stayed over their houses so their family became my family. I still remember Ida's mom, Pixie, looking at the both of us when we were seniors. She had tears in her eyes and she said, "My girls have grown up." She knew me ever since I was in the 2nd grade...Of course I was her child. She was like my 2nd mother...Heck I was lucky! So many kids didn't even have 1 and here I was with 2! My other friend is now going through some hard times. We talk every few years to catch up. She's in NY now, but recently, I found out that her father was dying which to me is HARD to fathom! I remember him being strong. He was a runner. The image that I see of him was that of a physically fit athlete. Her parents were cool too! Very smart! Her brother was a bit nerdy, but I thought he was the coolest guy in the world! If you know me, I think intelligence is awesome and I often cherish that over anything else like looks, charm, money, materialistic things.
Those are the two that I've kept in touch with the most. There are some that I run into every now and then but it hasn't been anything hardcore. When you think about it, when college breaks came, they went home to Lynnfield and met up with each other. I went to Boston and hung out with my Boston friends and all of my college friends who also lived in Boston. The result of that was I grew closer to my group of college friends. Some of them are like my family and 3 of them have helped me through some pretty serious times. Those times when I forgot who I was and did things that make me smack my forehead with my hand. Not sexual things...You perverts...But other things. lol
I guess I'm writing this because now that my funk has cleared I realized something...
I don't regret staying in touch with all of my Lynnfield people. You would think that I would be sad, but no. I don't regret not going to the prom. These are the things that people are told they will regret for the rest of their lives and I don't. I've managed to put them out of my mind and that's okay. lol I don't understand how a prom can make or break your entire existence. I also don't understand people who carry grudges against those who did them wrong in high school. That's the past, you should be a different person. My boyfriend and I had two different lives back then, but somehow I think that if we went to the same school we would have ended up together. He was the geek. lol I was the outgoing tomboy. He claims that all geeks like tomboys. I always had crushes on intelligent guys. I never thought twice about the captain of the football team or anything like that. Heck most of our Football players were tiny compared to the Football players that were at my friends' high schools. Sheesh! Their Football players could eat the ones at Lynnfield for dinner...And still have room for their football helmets...For dessert, duh! lol
Whenever I receive a notice that someone new has added me to their friend's list, I look at the name and I'm confused for a while (not everyone, there are some that I do remember. lol), then I look at their page and I get a shot of nostalgia for a second or two. Then I move on.
You may ask:
"What about reunions?"
I don't do reunions...Once something is over, it's over. I miss it for a little bit and then I move on. I bet that sounds heartless, but that's how some people are and I'm one of them. I live everything to the fullest, without regrets, and then I move on. I don't have the urge to visit anything or go to any reunions, it's like having a meal in front of you. It's filled with different foods. They are all tantalizing! Instead of filling up on one or two food and then wishing that I tried the other ones, I take a small bite from everything, savoring each bite...Letting it roll over my tongue so each of my taste buds are given a turn to experience a different side...
Then, I walk away. I don't need anymore. I've tried everything and now my senses tell my cravings that they have been fulfilled. It's nothing against the food because it was yummy food, but I'm just done with it.
That's how I feel about high school and those memories. Well elementary - high school because I started in the 2nd grade. In each of my adventures, I learn a lot about myself and then I take a few people with me, in my heart, when it comes time to leave.
It doesn't make me heartless...
It makes me, ME! :)
Okay it's almost 2:30 am. I need sleep.
Faithful Five...(do you all still read that or are you all slackers?) *bows head*
Slackers...*sticks out tongue*
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
P.S. I'm too tired to edit this...I will one day. lol
G'night!
Only for me to go to bed again...
You know what? I miss this blog. I don't miss it because folks read it, no, it's not like that. I miss it because it was my way to get out my thoughts. To put it in a place where I can read back on it and if necessary, use it to make a friend smile. Yes there are diaries and I have about 5 of them, but I share those things with no one...Although I did tell my boyfriend that one day I'll let him read it but I'm not sure if he would want to do so...
I don't care how much people say that they want to know the truth, there are still somethings that we are better not knowing...
EVER.
You aren't lying...You aren't protecting them...
You just don't need to open up that box.
The weird part is, lately the people who I have grown up with are contacting me on Facebook, something I joined because my friend Mark, who's an opera singer, uploads new videos of himself there and I need to be on there so I can have access to them. People from the town of Lynnfield, where I bused to school. (A little history, Massachusetts has a busing program called METCO. METCO took inner-city kids and bused them to the suburbs so while I had a city upbringing, there's a part of me that craves nature...And I think it has to deal with the fact that Lynnfield was surrounded by it. lol)
Anyways, I kept in contact with 1 or 2 people from Lynnfield because while growing up I often stayed over their houses so their family became my family. I still remember Ida's mom, Pixie, looking at the both of us when we were seniors. She had tears in her eyes and she said, "My girls have grown up." She knew me ever since I was in the 2nd grade...Of course I was her child. She was like my 2nd mother...Heck I was lucky! So many kids didn't even have 1 and here I was with 2! My other friend is now going through some hard times. We talk every few years to catch up. She's in NY now, but recently, I found out that her father was dying which to me is HARD to fathom! I remember him being strong. He was a runner. The image that I see of him was that of a physically fit athlete. Her parents were cool too! Very smart! Her brother was a bit nerdy, but I thought he was the coolest guy in the world! If you know me, I think intelligence is awesome and I often cherish that over anything else like looks, charm, money, materialistic things.
Those are the two that I've kept in touch with the most. There are some that I run into every now and then but it hasn't been anything hardcore. When you think about it, when college breaks came, they went home to Lynnfield and met up with each other. I went to Boston and hung out with my Boston friends and all of my college friends who also lived in Boston. The result of that was I grew closer to my group of college friends. Some of them are like my family and 3 of them have helped me through some pretty serious times. Those times when I forgot who I was and did things that make me smack my forehead with my hand. Not sexual things...You perverts...But other things. lol
I guess I'm writing this because now that my funk has cleared I realized something...
I don't regret staying in touch with all of my Lynnfield people. You would think that I would be sad, but no. I don't regret not going to the prom. These are the things that people are told they will regret for the rest of their lives and I don't. I've managed to put them out of my mind and that's okay. lol I don't understand how a prom can make or break your entire existence. I also don't understand people who carry grudges against those who did them wrong in high school. That's the past, you should be a different person. My boyfriend and I had two different lives back then, but somehow I think that if we went to the same school we would have ended up together. He was the geek. lol I was the outgoing tomboy. He claims that all geeks like tomboys. I always had crushes on intelligent guys. I never thought twice about the captain of the football team or anything like that. Heck most of our Football players were tiny compared to the Football players that were at my friends' high schools. Sheesh! Their Football players could eat the ones at Lynnfield for dinner...And still have room for their football helmets...For dessert, duh! lol
Whenever I receive a notice that someone new has added me to their friend's list, I look at the name and I'm confused for a while (not everyone, there are some that I do remember. lol), then I look at their page and I get a shot of nostalgia for a second or two. Then I move on.
You may ask:
"What about reunions?"
I don't do reunions...Once something is over, it's over. I miss it for a little bit and then I move on. I bet that sounds heartless, but that's how some people are and I'm one of them. I live everything to the fullest, without regrets, and then I move on. I don't have the urge to visit anything or go to any reunions, it's like having a meal in front of you. It's filled with different foods. They are all tantalizing! Instead of filling up on one or two food and then wishing that I tried the other ones, I take a small bite from everything, savoring each bite...Letting it roll over my tongue so each of my taste buds are given a turn to experience a different side...
Then, I walk away. I don't need anymore. I've tried everything and now my senses tell my cravings that they have been fulfilled. It's nothing against the food because it was yummy food, but I'm just done with it.
That's how I feel about high school and those memories. Well elementary - high school because I started in the 2nd grade. In each of my adventures, I learn a lot about myself and then I take a few people with me, in my heart, when it comes time to leave.
It doesn't make me heartless...
It makes me, ME! :)
Okay it's almost 2:30 am. I need sleep.
Faithful Five...(do you all still read that or are you all slackers?) *bows head*
Slackers...*sticks out tongue*
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
P.S. I'm too tired to edit this...I will one day. lol
G'night!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Am I?
People look at me and they think they see all that's me. The funny part is, like everyone else, when I start to explain things...They are shocked. The more I'm comfortable with you, the more you get to see, including the darker parts that I choose to forget. Heck, I often surprise myself when I relive those stories. Why am I bringing this up? Tonight I revealed a story to my boyfriend, Scott. I basically had him speechless and I KNOW we're going to be talking about this for a week because he was in shock. lol He's a good guy, he's been a good guy for a long time. Me? Well, I'm generally a good girl, but there was a time when I forgot my conscious...Or at least ignored it. A lot of things can happen when you ignore that little voice telling you right from wrong. I'm not proud of it, but you know what? It's part of me. It makes me who I am right now. And now, I wouldn't dare do what I used to do.
What did I do?
Well...
It's a secret!
You don't know me like that! *winks*
What is a good person? Is a good person someone who always does right? Or is a good person someone who does bad from time to tome but then finds their way back to the right side with a little help from the deity of their choice?
My past isn't pure...Neither is my present but then again, I'm not going to announce things either. That's just me...
Until next time Faithful Five and the rest of you slackers!
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
What did I do?
Well...
It's a secret!
You don't know me like that! *winks*
What is a good person? Is a good person someone who always does right? Or is a good person someone who does bad from time to tome but then finds their way back to the right side with a little help from the deity of their choice?
My past isn't pure...Neither is my present but then again, I'm not going to announce things either. That's just me...
Until next time Faithful Five and the rest of you slackers!
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
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