There's no place like home?

It's funny...

I was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts (in Roxbury and Dorchester to be exact) and I decided when I graduated from college to expand my horizons a bit. When choosing which graduate schools to attend I had 2 choices: UMass Amherst and the University of Indiana Bloomingdale (I actually have family in Muncie, Indiana). Some people in my family took as me not being happy with them and that's why I wanted to leave. I just wanted something different even if that meant leaving my family and my friends!

So I left...UMass Amherst accepted me way before the other application was due, so I picked UMass Amherst. Boy what a change! I remember when my family left me, I felt liberated and terrified at the same time. My last year at Amherst, I REALLY wanted to come back to Boston! I used to call my best friends and say, "Oh my goodness! I have to leave this place!" Don't get me wrong...Amherst is BEAUTIFUL (well minus the riots when the Red Sox/Patriots won or lost or whenever they felt like tearing stuff up!)! I loved the nature and I loved the fact that in my office building, there were two places where I could get vegetarian/vegan meals. I could look out of my bedroom window and see a forest. I used to sit there for hours mesmorized. It was great! But...I had nothing to do in Amherst! I didn't drive and I didn't drink. I met some cool people out there, but I didn't hang out with them the way I did with my friends in Boston! There were no midnight spades games, laughing until you could barely breathe, no hugs, no kisses, nothing but okay conversations and polite smiles and to be fair, I had some great girls night outs in my crib! Well there was a time when my cohort was suppose to talk to the new cohort about life at unmask and my friend Jonathan, who had just came from work, decided to take off his tie and unbutton his shirt. In front of these new kids, I took out a dollar bill and started waving it in the air and he started moving like a stripper. Hold on...that one still cracks me up... We literally did this for about 1-2 minutes with people watching us. But for me, Amherst was a place that I came to experience a new scenery and to earn my masters...that's it. The one person who I connected with the most was my girl Jen, and then there was Erin at my office but even then our ways to have fun were different.

Anyhoo, now, I'm back in Boston. But it's weird for me. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? My friends' lives have evolved. It felt as if I was dropped back into this reality. They don't know it, but the first time I went to a gathering with them...I felt so nervous! As if I was meeting them for the first time. Sometimes I STILL feel as if I am getting used to my surroundings! One of my friends told me that I "matured." Eww... It just feels like I still have to catch up, get reacquainted, pick up the phone and call people (which I barely do these days because I don't want to become a slave to my cell phone).

This is interesting to me because when I came home although I didn't move back into my mother's house, I still felt the same connection with my family. Like my friends, their lives have also evolved, but for some reason when I came back it was as if I was the lost puzzle piece that was found. I have always fitted. :-)

I know that some of my friends reading this might have a weird reaction, but don't. It's life. It's my life (cue Bon Jovi music). The way I see it, it feels like my friends and I are like animals (wait, I swear this is going to make sense!). I was left the herd for a bit and when into a different territory. I know that my scent has changed so when I go back to my original herd, I'm worried that they will notice my scent making it almost impossible for me to become a member once again. Makes sense? Don't make me think of another simile. Sim-ah-lee - A comparison between two unlikely things using the words "like or as." lol!

Eventually I will fit in once again. It's not them...it's me. Or is it? No...it's me. :-) One day I will be able to hang out with them without the anxiety. One day I will start returning phone calls and going out to dinner with them once again. There will be laugher, kisses, and hugs. I will feel like I am a part of the herd.

But until then, there will be music and my good friend the Disco Ball! Of course it didn't make sense! Did you REALLY expect it to?