When is it time to change?

I never like regrets. I never liked to have regrets. As a matter of fact, one of the things in this world that I am afraid of the most is waking up at the age of 75 and regretting the choices I made in my life. That thought alone could keep me up thinking for an entire night! Regrets are easy to come by. I mean in this day and time, people are so busy that they tend to bury those dreams that they used to have when they were younger. You know those dreams. I think we all had them, but how many of those dreams have you all accomplished? Me? None. And that's the topic of this blog! Goodness! On the top of my list (and it is an ACTUAL list that I wrote in one of my journals) it said things that I want to do by the time that I am 25. I mean, I have accomplished things. I have been somewhat successful in my lifetime but dang, does that mean that I have to give up those dreams? And what about growing up? That also plays a role in how you accomplish/interpret those dreams. As you get older, the more responsibility you have. When I was 22, I had my first apartment. So there I was, going to school full-time, working part-time (full time my last year at grad school), and dealing with the payments of my electricity, phone/computer bill, and my cable. So when I came home at night (because grad school usually has night classes) I was tired. My music instruments got neglected, my voice weakened (it's sooo sad!), I haven't written a poem in ages, as for my Spanish...well, if someone talks to me I can answer back, depending on how I feel that day! There are so many dreams that were placed on the back burner! I have decided to fulfill them and use this blog to give you people updates. I just don't want to become one of those parents who feel that they did nothing in their lifetime that they decided to push their dreams on their kids. We all know those types of parents. I don't think it's fair. When I decide to have them, I would want my kids to make their own lists and then fulfill them when they are ready! My second mother James said something to me that I have kept with me ever since. He had asked me about my sign language book. I told him that I was interested in learning it and he said, "You'll learn it when you're ready too." To me, that shows how much faith he has in me and to me that one statement made me soo strong! So here are some of my dream that I want to fulfill and like I said, I will keep you all updated on the changes. I do this because it's my way of making myself accountable! So here we go:

1. Become fluent in Spanish. 75% is good, but it's not good enough.
2. Study english and learn the roots and their meanings. Yea, it's nerdy, but I have always been fascinated with people who can look at a word for the first time and dissect it until they can figure out the meaning.
3. Finally learn how to play my piano and guitar perfectly. Oh yea, and to do the same with my clarinet. Which would be easier than the other two considering that I have played it for 10 years.
4. Write poetry again. Get one published in a real book and not by one of those poetry competitions.
5. Get my voice up to par! Man when I left college, that bad boy was in shape! I was doing Rock Ensemble, Gospel Ensemble, and taking voice lessons on the side. I could do anything with my voice. Now...well let's not go there! lol...
6, I FINALLY want to grow into my full name. No one knows this, but the reason why I have nicknames is because I feel like my real name is too grown and sophisticated for me. Sounds weird huh? I would tell you all my full name, but then the crazy people will be able to track me down. So there are certain things that I have to do before I can allow the world to address me by that name. Some people have tried to call me by my full name and sometimes I don't realize that they are talking to me. I mean when people address me by it, my ears catch it, but it takes some time for my brain to say, "hey chica, they are talking to you!" So then I give them the speech, "Only my momma has the right to call me that name." Now when it comes to my resume and anything I write for educational purposes, of course, I use my full name, but I think it's time for me to use it in my everyday life.
7. To just be fabulous. One day when I was on my menses instead of showering and putting on some pjs, I decided to get dressed and do my hair. When I did that, I looked in the mirror and I realized how good I felt. So I want to take that and do it all the time. I have already deemed clothes that will only be worn in the house and clothes that will only be worn outside. It's not being materialistic or vain I am working with what I already have. I just realized that when I can look in the mirror and say, "I'd hit it," my confidence grows and I get a good laugh out of the situation.
8. I want to help young women feel as good about themselves as I do about me. I am a phenomenal woman no matter what society says and I think that if every woman had that mentality, there will be no more problems with bulimia/anorexia, plastic surgery, or the hate that is experienced between women. There would be love and we could finally take this world over and make it the way that it should be. Seriously...

So that's it so far...well that's all you guys get...lol. I'm off to devote some time to divas music.

Until then readers...

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!!!!!!