Do you love me Marilyn Jane?

So yesterday, which was Sunday, my mom and I decided to go shopping together. Well actually, she decided to treat me to a day of shopping and I don't know about you all but shopping is fun...but when it's free...it's OFF DA HOOK! But I'm not sure if I have ever taken the time to explain my mom to you all. I think I will do that now. Let's just say we are polar opposites on many levels. She's an old school diva who likes to spend her time getting manicures and pedicures, wearing jewelry and furs, and strutting down the street, while I'm what you might call a funky diva because I love my natural looks and I wear them well and with pride, I prefer clothes that are funky yet comfortable, and I'm not sure if I strut down the street, but I walk with confidence. Okay, so to my shopping experience:

We arrived to my store of choice and low and behold there was a sale!!! So when I first saw the sign I was like, "yay! 70% off!!" But when I stepped in...oh the fashion SUCKED!!!! My mom came in after me and she noticed the frown on my face, which I tend to have if I'm thinking or upset. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I wasn't interested in what was there. She asked me to look again. I guess she saw some things there that she wanted me to be in...but she knows better than to try and push them on me because the more she (or anyone) pushes, the more I resist. So I looked around the store once again and picked out some undergarments and fabrics that I felt would make a cool headband. What a waste! Free money and nothing to spend it on. Also while going through the store, I realized that I already have a lot of clothes, so that turned off my desire to shop completely. I have this thing about not buying things until I need them. So there we are, standing at the register...here is a bit of our dialogue:

Mom: I don't know why you couldn't find anything in the store that you liked.

Me: I don't know, I'm just not feeling it here. I got some things, thanks for buying them for me.

Mom: I don't know why I'm spending money on possible headbands for you...

Me: Because you love me. (smiles)

Mom: Right (laughs)

Me: Hey! Have you noticed my birkenstocks? I'm breaking them in.

Mom: Oh?

If you could have only seen her face. Trust me, she died a little inside. She admitted it i the car. She also admitted to me that she wears lipstick to bed, which made me die a little inside. I mean here she is making sure that her lips stay red before she goes to sleep and the only thing I like to do is brush my teeth and wash my face. The only thing I want on my body when I sleep is the covers and every now and then a eye mask if I need to sleep in the morning, but that's it.

From there we went food shopping. Food shopping with my mom is SOOO annoying! She's the type who is satisfied with chicken and popcorn whereas I'm usually in the health food section checking out the soy products and veggies. Growing up I had to deal with frozen broccoli which she cooked until they were mushy along with spices. (gagging) That's why now, if I'm having broccoli, it's raw and there might be some dressing on the side for me to dip but chances are it's plain.

Shopping is so bad with my mom. she is no longer allowed to follow me up and down the aisles because I got sick and tired of hearing her mouth. "Oh so you eat sushi?" "Why are you buying that?" "I'm telling you, you have expensive taste." "Why can you just get the other stuff over there?" "Oh you're allergic to that? Since when?" "SINCE the day you gave it to me mom and my tongue and throat swelled up! Now please, go away!" That's all I end up saying to her. My mom and I are different in many ways, but the way we debate is the funniest thing in the world. The majority of our debates end up with me saying, "oh just SHUT IT!" In a respectful manner of course. But this upcoming dialogue is the funniest thing in the world to me because not only were we going at it, but we also had an audience. I always feel sorry for the person who has to interact with her and you will see why.

To set up the scene, we are now going through the check out line:

(My mom walks down the aisle and pushes the cart towards the bagger. I walk behind her and stand at the end with the bagger)

Mom: (to the bagger in a gruff voice) I want double plastic. (to me) Goodness your food is expensive! You get on my nerves!

Me: (laughing) Whatever mom.

Mom: (to the bagger who is obviously using two plastic bags) I said TWO plastic bags!

Me: Mom, he is using two plastic bags! Leave the man alone. Let him do his job. (to the bagger) Sorry, my mom is a little bossy, but she's my mom, so I win. (the bagger laughs and gives me a "help me" look)

Mom: Well I was just making sure!

I can't remember the rest of the conversation from here. All I remember is she started to get playfully dramatic and so I joined her. I remember saying out loud, "Oh SHUT IT! You aren't helping our race out acting like this in public!" She laughed. People were looking at us not sure if they should laugh or be completely mortified. As we got outside of the supermarket she started to die down. I turned to her and said, "Thanks, of course you can act up in there! You don't live in this area. I'm the only one who has to come back here!" She laughs as usual and begins to rag on my birkenstocks. "Who wears birkenstocks!" She says. "When you showed me those shoes I was like, 'Dear God no!' And they are expensive!" "Oh yes, please let me go through your closet and pull out your shoes please! You're just mad because they aren't fashionable according to you." There was some comments made about blacks and birkenstocks and people's sexual orientation and birkenstocks, but I will not mention them here...sheesh.

I swear my mom is a beautiful person. If you met her you would fall in love with her immediately. It's just that when you put the two of us together and we are both in a playful dramatic mood, then you either have some great entertainment or you have some very uncomfortable moments. I think that's both of our favorite parts, shocking people. Kinda like one day when we were shopping. I was 13 at the time and I was pushing the cart. She was looking at some milk and I was kinda hyper at the time, so she turned from the milk and said to me, "Stop moving that cart," in a stern voice. The sound of her voice made me stop dead in my tracks, but it also made an employee, who was trying to remove another cart stop dead in his tracks and say, "huh?" My mom and I looked at him, laughed in his face, and walked away. Poor guy...

Oh well, I think I will end this blog here. I'm not sure if this is another long one. I'll find out when I press the publish post button...

All right darling readers until next time!

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!