Can you hear me?!

So...

I guess this is where I update you all on my life or mi vida loca! *cues Ricky Martin dancers*

*starts to sing*
She makes you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain!
She'll make you live her crazy life where she'll take away your pain!
Like a bullet to your brain! (C'mon!)
Upside inside out!
She's livin' la vida loca!
She'll push and pull you out!
Livin' la vida loca!
Her lips are devil red!
And her skin's the color mocha!

Wait, I guess I should say that at the moment I can't sing right? I have NO voice! I can't even talk to myself!!! Today on the radio, of course they played all of the songs that I LOVE to sing to...Oh the humanity!!!! lol Oh yea also something feasted on my leg about a week ago and I got a horrible infection from it! *giggles* Can I help it? I guess I look delicious! Now I can hear some of you guys now:

Why didn't you tell me you were sick?

Oh? Did I mention that I had to go to the hospital? The emergency room. Three things you DON'T want to hear while you're in the emergency room:

1. You're a bleeder! I heard that as my blood splattered everywhere!

2. If that infection doesn't clear up...You have to run to the nearest emergency room!

3. Are you Maxie? Your mother is on the phone.

Yup, I heard them ALL. The last one made me say, "Oh for the love of! No I don't want to talk to her!!!" That made the doctors crack up. They were all Residents, so I'm glad I was able to make them laugh.

3 things that you don't want to see while you're in the hospital:

1. A woman go into the emergency room and then her man scanning the room for another woman.

2. People who came in 1 hour after you walking in first.

3. A 40-ish woman standing in front of you pull down her jeans partially to reveal a black thong, with a red bow, and a bell on it. To add insult to injury she starts to wiggle her behind to make the bell ding...OMG, shoot me now! She was showing her friends, I just so happened to be the innocent bystander. Talk about wishing to be blind.

"Oh but Max! Why didn't you tell me that you were in the emergency room! I'm SO mad at you!"

Look...

People fuss over me ALL the time! I don't like being fussed over...lol (I'll admit, to some extent it's cute! Like when a guy you like starts to fuss over you to make sure that you're taking care of yourself. That's cute. I like that. lol). I'm not going to become a Debbie Downer (SNL skit). What would you do if I called you EVERY time something bad happened to me? I bet you'll stop taking my phone calls, huh??? Admit it! Besides, I'm fine. I didn't need a kidney or anything! I'm not waiting for a new pair of lungs or anything. If I were in those situations, then you guys will be called. Shoot, you might be the right match for me!

Eh, do I feel like continuing with this blog? I guess...

So my mom tells me that if I don't find a job by March, then I HAVE to come home. Ummm...can we say scary??? lol If I ever had to move home, I would curl up on my bed and stay that way until I DIED! Just smother me right now...Seriously....That's what I feel like when I think about living with my mom again. I don't know why but she keeps junkin' up my funk!!! I'm SO funky and then she calls me....Then the funk flees. How RUDE!

So...What to do?

Well I wanted to be a pole dancer, but my friend Scott (*hugs*) talked me out of it. Besides, I know most of my friends would come down to my show only to drag my tuckus off of the stage where they will then proceed to stomp me in the middle of the floor.

Then there's being a phone sex operator but I swear, I would end up laughing at those guys' suggestions. "You want me to do what with your what and a WHAT?" lol

I thought about working at a fast food joint but um, no....I would kill people with the plastic utensils in the first month! Heck no, the first hour.

I could get a sugar daddy and replace his viagra with sleeping pills. (Yes I thought it out) But then again, I don't want some 80 year old touching me. I'm sorry, if you can't bend over and touch your toes with ease, then I don't want you. lol

I could become a...ewwww, I'm not even going to FINISH that thought!

I heard that a woman can get 5,000 for her eggs. So since I have 2 eggs...well until my next menses cycle, I could get 10,000. That could last me a LONG time!

Oh! Then there's robbing a bank! Case a joint, then rob it the third day later. That would be awesome!

Hmmmm...

Or I could sell ALL of my possessions and live in my current apartment and sleep on the floor! THAT will work!!!!

ANYTHING TO NOT GO HOME!!!!

I don't think anyone wants to hire me in Boston. It's their loss actually but I just want to work at a job that I LOVE! I don't want to suffocate at a place where I won't be happy, which is why I left Higher Education. Hmmmm...Any suggestions???

Until next time mah gorgeous readers!!!!

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease