What is a Maxine "adventure"?

SO I just wrote this post! And it accidently got deleted, so excuse me if it isn't as funny as the last one. The last one was TOTALLY awesome! (That last line was meant for someone special who either laughed out loud when he read it or responded with a hearty "DUDE!")

Some of you might be asking, "Maxine what's the dilly with the word 'adventure?'"

To those people I give the following instructions. First, look at your hand and locate the dirtiest finger on there. Once you found that finger, take it and poke yourself in your eye! Feel the stinging? That pain is your punishment for using the term "dilly" in my presence! Seriously, the nerve of some people!

Well I first started using the term "adventure" when I moved to Amherst, MA. I had to start a new job the day after I moved to Amherst and once my family left I started to feel a bit scared. Yes, I admit, I was scared. I wasn't feeling Maxilicious (yes that is a Maxinism...which I guess I should explain in a later blog. Perhaps even after this one. It's only 2:13 and I have until 5).

Anywhoo...

So I was um, scared and basically I had to go to work and to a welcoming meeting in a town that I was not familiar with. I'm a city gal and to be out in a quiet town like Amherst was a shock to all of my senses. Sure I attended Lynnfield Public Schools, but I ALWAYS had my city of Boston to fall back on! Not this time. I was 2+ hours away from home, my family, and my friends. I had to figure out how to become Maxilicious back because being Maxilicious means that I'm the bravest thing in the world. When I'm in my Maxilicious state I have two things on my mind, "Where is my challenge? AND Who are the new people whose world I'm going to rock??"

In order for me to get my "umph" back, I did two things:

1. I prayed - Shoot, I don't even want to think about how my life would be if I didn't believe in or have a relationship with God.

2. I coined my experience as an adventure. It became fun to me. The word adventure has a "wow" factor to it.

So after I did those things I walked out of my apartment and strutted down the street like I was a diva and that road was my walkway! I went to my job with my head held high and I went to my grad meeting with the thought that this was another challenge that I was going to meet head on and conquer (or make my **tch). The funny part is once I got to my grad school meeting, I felt a little left out because my classmates already met each other during orientation. Okay, I'll admit that I chickened out...I used the fact that I was working as an excuse to get me out of attending but it was all good because a few minorities came into the room and I immediately relaxed and knew that they were going to sit next to me, which they did. They weren't black, but the fact that we were minorites was enough for us. Also, I met a friend who was once my boss at Northeastern. It was cool because I made a statement about how I used to be brave and he corrected me by saying that I still was...aren't cool people awesome? Quick story on Aaron, when I was an Orientation Leader he was the ONLY one who knew when I did something bad or that I was about to do something mischevious He said that I got a look in my eyes. I don't doubt it, but it was interesting because he was the first people who noticed it. He would come up to me randomly and say, "Whatever you're thinking about doing, don't do it." Of course I did it anyways and when my other boss screamed, "Where are my keys!" Aaron always knew to look at me first.

So that's why I use the term "adventure." I guess I've conquered a lot of them, until you ask me to eat something that I'm not familiar with. There are certain rules that I have to things that go into my mouth (on that sounds so bad). First, the item has to be in the food groups that I eat. Second, the item has to be smelled and studied for a long period of time (sometimes this includes poking with my finger). Usually the food never passes that stage unless I'm with my girl Gaetane who knows me and watches me. One time she ordered mussels and I have NEVER eaten one in my life! I sat there while everyone was digging in with my head slightly cocked to the left and staring. She said, "(insert my full name here) I know you! Take one!" I sighed (which is something that I do a lot) and grabbed one. It was interesting. She looked at me and rolled her eyes because she knew that if she wasn't paying attention, I wouldn't have eaten any. Does that make me fickle? How about picky?

I know my mom is so happy that she doesn't have to go food shopping for me anymore because one week I would absolutely love something but the next week I wouldn't touch it at all. Kinda like tofu. There was a time when I cooked it all the time! I have so many tofu recipes it's not even funny! Yet now, I don't even buy it because I just don't crave it. If I order out and it comes with the dish it's okay but it's not something that I cook anymore. Watch, now I'm going to crave it again. I'll probably let you know if that happens that is if you care. LOL Who am I kidding?! I'm going to let you know even if ya don't care! (I know you were expecting that)

So I guess this brings my explanations on "adventures" to an end.

Until 5 minutes from now readers (What? I have to do SOME editing!)...

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!

Is there a stupid sign on my head?!

*sigh*

The ONE thing I hate about working as a temp is the simple fact that people treat me like I'm a complete idiot! Oh yes, it's venting time because if I don't vent this right now, I'm going to... *sigh* Do absolutely nothing I guess. Freak this!

Okay, so it began when I came in a day before so I could be trained. This is the first time I had to come in a day ahead for some training, so silly me, I thought this job was going to be hardcore. I actually pictured myself coming home all sleepy and crap. Physically and mentally tired from my long day. Ummmmm...no. I had to come in a day early to learn that I will be delivering and dropping off the mail. I have to answer phones and transfer calls. Oh yea, and let's not forget about the electronic faxes! I have to FORWARD those things! Do you think I can handle it?! Sometimes I swear I need to get my resume tattooed to my culo or something. That way when people annoy me, I moon them and show them that I can actually handle a simple assistant job (no I'm not being condescending. That's what my temp agency called it).

Just now, someone came up to me and introduced himself. Which is all good because I've had to deal with that all day, but ummm, then he goes:

I receive very important faxes. My name is blah blah blah. Could you forward those faxes to me?

Me: I've been sending out faxes throughout the day. I've sent some to you.

Him: Well I haven't checked my faxes yet.

Me: Well check your faxes, I've sent a few to you today. (fake smile)

I felt my bp go up a bit and if you know me, you know my bp is oddly low all the time, thanks to my non-dramatic lifestyle and weird semi-hippie diet. Anyways BACK TO THE IDIOT! lol

So basically I'm not intelligent enough to follow through on the tasks handed to me. I'm too stupid to learn how to forward an electronic fax. I guess me having to learn InDesign while putting together a yearbook all in 5 months, doesn't qualify me to be as computer savvy or smart in any way shape or form. I guess not. I guess perhaps I should write myself notes to remind myself to breathe (yes I got that from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air). The part that's killing me is I'm wearing my "smart glasses." What a waste of smart glasses! lol Funny story. Before I had to start wearing reading glasses, I used to rock fake ones. I liked the way they looked on me. I looked serious. I mean when you have a baby face and dimples, people rarely take you seriously, until you physically harm them (I know from experience).

I consider myself to be averagely intelligent (okay, that's an understatement, but I'm trying to play the modest role tambien). Some people say that I'm too smart for my own good. I agree. I swear I wish there was a camera that could have captured my face after the guy left the front desk. It was a "classic" Maxine face: First the face scrunches up then the right eyebrow raises and finally the eyes squint. I just had a vision of tripping him. It made me giggle. Now I want to trip him. Great...

Why couldn't he check his inbox before he questioned my intelligence? Seriously, if he would have done that, things would have been all good. But no, he rather spend time putting too much gel in his hair...well I'm not sure if he was putting gel in his hair instead of checking his inbox. I DO know that it was waaaaaay too much. I would hate to be his girlfriend. Not just because of the gel but because he really ticked me off...

All I am saying is, why not assume that a person knows what they are doing and check your inbox first. If there is nothing there by 10, THEN go and harass the person! If I was evil (and I'm not) I so wouldn't give him anymore faxes. Seriously, he doesn't deserve faxes. No faxes for him! Eh, but I'm not I guess. It is indeed tempting though...

This is going to be an interesting adventure. Well I have lunch pretty soon, so I guess I should end this. When I get back, I will discuss the term "adventure" and when I first started using it to explain mi vida loca! I swear if you are singing Ricky Martin right now, you should stab yourself with a pencil, pen, or whatever is near you at the moment. Shame on you....

Until then readers...

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!

More and more weird things

You know what really grosses me out? No not blood. Not spiders or creepy crawly things. Nope not throw up or seeing chewed up food. It's pasta when it sticks together after you finish cooking it. I can't remember when it first grossed me out. All I know is that it does. Once I finish cooking pasta, I rinse it out in cold water and then I check every single last noodle to make sure that it didn't stick to another. Weird huh? I just gagged thinking about the noodles that I found sticking together today. I don't even like touching them. Seriously I don't know what's wrong with me. I have no clue why I act this way. All I know is after cooking my pasta I'm usually hunched over in my sink inspecting all of my noodles before I return them to the pot. It's much easier if I'm just cooking enough pasta for dinner but if I'm cooking for the week, that's when it gets tricky. My biggest fear is taking a bite out of my food and finding 6+ noodles stuck together and biting through the hard part. OH my goodness this is grossing me out! lol I have to change the topic...

Soooo...

Another weird dream to report people. This one takes the cake...well for this year. Remember the one with the vampire, blueblocker sunglasses, and the dogs is the worst dream I ever had. But back to this one. Hmmm...I just began a sentence with "but." Eh, whose grading me? Anyways, I had this dream that I had a party at my apartment, which of course wasn't my real apartment because Kelly wasn't there and instead of being a town house it was this HUGE one bedroom apartment. During the party I was raped by two guys. They got away and I came out to a party that was ending. I went up to my girl Ana D-C. and told her that I had just been raped. Instead of consoling me, she looked down and said, "Well since you're hurt, that means you can't stop me." In my dream all of my undergarments were thrown around the room. SO I watched as Ana bent over and stole my two favorite pairs of underwear! I just sat there and stared at her in disbelief. The worst part is I tried to tell my friends what she did and they didn't believe me. So not only was I raped, my girl stole my favorite underwear. How messed up is that?

I didn't dream this dream last night. I had this dream the night before. So Ana you stole my drawers!!!! LOL...

All right I just spaced out, I'm going to end this now.

Until next time you piles of sexiness!

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!

Kwanzaa...WHY?

*******WARNING! THE WRITER OF THIS BLOG IS SURVIVING ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP. IF YOU ARE OVERLY SENSITIVE PERHAPS YOU SHOULD SKIP THIS POST...SERIOUSLY...I MEAN IT...OH WELL, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!*******

This post is probably going make them revolk my Affirmative Action rights, which I don't really care...I mean, I'm about to say somethings that might tick off Black folks, but I'm okay with that...

Let's talk about Kwanzaa...

The made up holiday whose sole reason for creation is to give whites something that they can't celebrate (was that too mean?). Sure they say that the purpose of it is to connect us to our African roots, but c'mon, it was created in the 70's by a man who took bits and pieces from various African cultures and glued them all together to create a holiday that whites couldn't participate in. The sad part is, Americans are eating this up!

I'm sorry (actually I'm not) but I don't see the need for this holiday. It's 5 days after Christmas so people are usually too tired to do anything for this. Who really wants handmade presents? I know some of you are saying, "Hey Max, you do." This is different though. Hey Shaquan put down that Barbie dream house that I got you for Christmas and come play with this drumset made out of corn husks that I made you for Kwanzaa! Yea....riiiiiight. lol

From a Christian standpoint I'm not down for it either. I've been to many Kwanzaa celebrations not because I'm black and I'm supposed to, no I did it because my choir was singing at the event. There is a point where they call on the spirits of black leaders who died. I don't believe that this only happens at the Kwanzaa celebration that I had to go to. They would pour libations from a cup and then they would say things like, "I call on the spirit of Malcolm X." One question...what if the spirit of Malcolm X showed up?! Trust me those people would freak out! So why call on something that you REALLY don't want to see?

I guess my anger at this holiday comes from what I was taught by some African friends of mine. If the purpose of Kwanzaa is to connect us with our African roots, then why do most Africans see this holiday as a joke? If they don't feel the connection, then how can we? Also, why do we need to connect to Africa so much? We are Americans now. We are assimilated...get over it! There is no turning back. I challenge black person to go back to Africa and live there. You will see that our cultures are VERY different! You will feel your American roots AND I guarantee that they will remind you about your Americanized roots! I also challenge anyone to find Kwanzaa celebrations in the motherland.

I haven't celebrated Kwanzaa in years and I feel better! I was never comfortable with it and I never will be. Not it seems as though it's a holiday created to make blacks feel special and to make whites feel left out. Now is that cool? Not really...

Not at all.

Now, if you guys don't hear from me in about a month, know that I've been kidnapped by the NAACP. lol

I'm just kidding. *shakes her head no*

*sigh* I think I'm done. *pauses dramatically*

Yup I'm done.

Until then wonderful readers!

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!

Just Woke Up

It's Saturday and I just woke up. For some reason I just wanted to type in my blog. I guess I have stuff that's on my mind and since my personal journal is MIA at the moment, I'm going to use this bad boy as my outlet.

So...let's chat...

First let me say that I am normally not they type of person who likes to talk about herself. No I'm serious. There are people who have been in my life for years and they still know nothing about me. Don't be sad, they know it too, so I guess they are okay with that. There are others who constantly make themselves available to me, you know by saying, "If you need anything call me," or, "I'm here for you, you know that." Those are the ones that I tend to hit up every now and then.

But eh, there is more to this, but you know what? I don't really feel like talking about it... Deal with it...lol.

Have you really just dug somebody? I mean, in your eyes they are just so cool! At first you wonder if you're being an adoring fan or if you really like this person for who they are. If this person lost that "star appeal" (not to say they are famous, when I use that I mean there is just something about them that is intoxicating) could you still like them as much as you did when they had it? Don't get me wrong, and don't equate this chica to a teeny booping brat who cries or faints when she sees a pop star in public because I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a regular guy and a regular girl. Well neither people are actually regular, you guys know that I'm not so for me to really dig someone, that person would have to be extraordinary...like me (yes, I know, I'm modest).

You see, I really don't know the answer to my question because this is the first time I ever felt this way. It's odd, but what can I say? This cat is the bomb diggity...lol. And this isn't a situation where I'm fawning over someone, I'm too old for that. Though, I do remember my high school days of having raging crushes that only lasted a few weeks. Nope this one has been going on for months now. 7 months to be exact...

I'll admit I took a break from this and it's now 6 pm....lol. I had stuff to do so shoot me. But I'm just in one of those floaty loving moods today. You know the one where everything in the universe is just copastetic? Where all you want to do is smile and even though you are presented with drama and the harsh realities of the world, you still just smile...

This has been my mood all day. I feel like I just had a big cup of tea after a nice dinner and I'm all cozy while having an intellectually stimulating conversation. *sigh*

It's fun to dig someone...isn't it?

Until then you beautiful, gorgeous, sexy beast readers...

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease

P.S. I know this doesn't make sense and it won't make sense to a lot of you...but remember, I write these bad boys for myself...

Yearbook Posts

I wonder...

If I had to do a yearbook post today what would mine say? Would it be so different from my high school one? I mean there will be some differences for example, singing. I never really got into singing until I was in college. I was a band person (notice that I didn't say geek...as if!). So I'm going to try this only because idea amuses me. Yes, I tend to do things that amuse me, why don't you?

Name: (mumbles her 24 letter name with the same last name)

Nicknames: Max, Maxie, Maxine, Princess, Loquita, Sunshine, Picklehead (my older brother), Chica, Shugg (smiles)

(high school nicknames: Max, Maxine, Buttascotch)

Activites: Stuff...lol. Fine, fine, fine, I'll list them. Causing mischief, singing, dancing with the lights off and her disco ball on, writing, being sarcastic (yes that's an activity), Urbaniacs (www.urbaniacs.com), staring at my cell phone when it rings sometimes (why do I have one again?), talking to myself (my favorite activity), wreaking havoc on unsuspecting citizens, helping people get comfortable in their own skin (that's my other favorite activity), 24-7 hero (See Hero Complex)...

(high school activities: band, peer leader)

Memories: Holding my nephew for the first time on Christmas 2005, seeing my mother fall outside of my apartment (it cracked me up), breaking my ankle in 2004, breaking bones in my foot twice, being tripped down the stairs and breaking my toe (thanks Jeremiah), dying my hair red, piercing my right eyebrow when I was 20, piercing the top of my ear when I was 23, being best man in a wedding, moving to Amherst when I was 22, moving in with Kelly when I was 25, 1st published poem (can't remember the year), "you are so cute when you're mad", "you're an aight person and I love you and all that other crap", GJ blinding herself when I thought I saw a mouse at my mom's crib (cell phone lights are all fun and games until someone loses an eye), karaoke nights, Girl nights out/in, the night Kel and I had to do community service (don't ask), Jay breaking into Ryder Hall so he could play the piano (thanks for going to the police station with me to so we could get permission to enter the building), Monica talking me into wearing flip flops (I was never the same), my dream and the 5 people who know it (it involves vampire, blue blocker sunglasses, and dogs...I won't tell), realizing my knack for decorating, Ghetto Phi Ghetto, "surpise" parties (I'm still the queen of finding out mine), "Come here Franky wants to talk to you", "hey guys I'm high on perkasets, how about we go over to the bar for a few shots, I won't feel a thing!", the laughter, the tears (thanks for the gum Juan even if I did freak you out), the day I realized that I'm just cute and agreed, "A Walk to Remember", 1st time I watched Scrubs, being stalked by different men at different times in my life (what can I say? I'm darn adorable...lol), Play dates (I still have them), and many more....

Favorite Quote(s): "I never said that I was sane", "I SPIT on your Bus!", "Sheesh", "I'm darn adorable!", "They used to call me Crazy Joe but now the call me BATMAN!", "Dude", "Eh", "He/She/They started it!", "Are you KIDDIN' ME?!"

(High School quote: "If you like me, cool. If not, SO WHAT?!")

Hmmmm, I think I'm done.

Well until then readers...

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!

Goodbye September

So now it's October and if you know me, you know that my birthday is creeping up. The 28th birthday and you know what means? Absolutely nothing!

I'm not trying to say that nothing fun is going to happen because I am usually hanging out with a group of friends on my birthday. I can't help it, I guess it has to do with the fact that I never had birthday parties when I was younger. Not even a sweet 16. But before you "aww" and pity me, let me tell you, I wasn't really sweet during that time...lol. So why perpetuate a lie? lol!

Oh wait, I've been meaning to tell you all this but for some reason September has been filled with reflection so I didn't get a chance to come here. I guess I'm tired of reflecting...I mean, you think and think and think some more...I've gotten headaches, I've been depressed, I've been confused...man....reflection SUCKS. Well I'm tired of reflecting!!! I know it's an artistic thing to do but sheesh I have put a limit on it like I can only reflect once a week or something...lol.

Anyways did you know that September is Menopause Awareness month? Yes! It is! I learned that on Lifetime (and no I don't really watch that channel). Are you aware about menopause? I became aware of it when I was in college. Not because I had it but because in the wintertime my brother and I would go to sleep in a comfortably warm house only to wake up to sub-zero temperatures thanks to menopause. And let's not even talk about the hormone shifts. Sheesh!

So yes, I am aware but it sucks to be aware when you are a chick because that means you are staring into your future. Menopause here I come in 30 years. 30 years isn't long enough if you ask me. I dun wanna go through menopause!!!! It doesn't look fun at all. Those commercials where you see women with menopause dancing around or taking long walks are a LIE! They are there to make younger women like me think that menopause is cool...But it's NOT! It so sucks being a woman. You would think that because we have kids we could get a break somewhere...

Why can't men have menopause? It's named after them it only seems fitting. I mean I know I'm not suppose to blame her but I truly believe that this is all Eve's fault! Sheesh, why couldn't she get Adam to bite the fruit first? If that happened then men would be the ones cursed with their monthly menses and menopause while we would be chillin! I doubt they would have children but I believe that childbirth for us would be easier...MUCH easier (not speaking from experience here).

And some guys have the nerve to complain about the fact that women can get into certain establishments and have free drinks. I ask WHY NOT?! After all the crap that we go through we deserve a free dance and drink (make mine a diet coke no ice please)!

I honestly started this blog at 10 am while waiting for a friend to say hi on yim (thanks for standing me up ya jerk!). I had to log out and handle some business so now it's 6:43 pm and I am confused. What was this blog about? I don't know...

I guess it's time to end it before I go off on a tangent or a rant. What's the difference you ask? Well you will find out tomorrow if you read this bad boy again!

Until then humble and cocky readers (you know which group you belong to)...

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!