On my Deviant Art Page, I'm going to list all three stages of these two monologues. It will go from the first drafts, which were a bit longer, to the second drafts, to the final drafts, when Maya told me what she liked and asked me to change certain things.
Enjoy and um, some constructive criticism would be appreciated!
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I can’t stand ignorant people! They give me gas! I’m so serious! Normally I try to ignore ignorant people. I really do. Try dealing with 4 ignorant people. I still cringe just thinking about it! One day while on my way to work I got on the bus and there they were, ignorant mothers. Now before you call me judgmental, imagine that you see a bunch of empty seats in the back, but there are about 10 people standing because the 4 IGNORANT mothers on a bus with their babies AND carriages were blocking the aisles! NO ONE could get by! My theory is 99% of the population is oblivious to their surroundings. Well, I decided that I wasn’t going to stand so I maneuvered my way through the pack…Or the ignorant pack. “Oh I guess someone doesn’t know how to say excuse me,” one of them announces to her crew…Her ignorant crew. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Why should I say excuse me? They were blocking the aisles. They were being inconsiderate AND those who tried to ask them to move their carriages were ignored, that’s why they were still standing. “I can’t stand rude people,” another one cackled to her clique…Her ignorant clique. They laughed and looked at me while I glared back. “Chica,” I said to myself, “Whatever you do, DON’T get into a fight! I don’t think their babies need to see mommy getting stomped by an angry, yet cute stranger!” I tend to add the cute part because it so true. Anyways, so they are staring at me while I’m glaring back at them. I needed something to calm me down right then and there because I KNEW they wanted to fight me and honestly, who wants to fight on their way to work? Who wants to fight at all? That’s when I heard “My Favorite Things" from "The Sound of Music” playing in my head. I cracked a smile and I closed my eyes. While those mothers went back to their conversation, I started to sing it.
Guess who got off of that bus without a single fight. Guess who taught that group…I mean ignorant group…that you mess with me; I will glare at you and start singing a Disney song! Yup! I’m scary; OH SO scary, but at least I didn’t get into a fight.
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I trust that you guys are in love and that you’ve been hurt before is that safe to say? Of course it is or else you wouldn’t be here. I know I have, but…I’m still with him. They say that you hurt the one that you love the most and if that’s the case then he must be enamored! I just don’t know why I stay with him. I guess part of me is waiting for him to change. He isn’t always a selfish asshole. Sometimes he’s sweet and gentle and it’s those times when I fall in love with him all over again. I’m at the point where I’ve got my emotional bags packed but my heart becomes mellow, passive, it’s sickening and I stay. Every day, like you all, I watch him struggle with his addiction and I hate it. Maybe one day I won’t be so inclined to turn around. Maybe one day, his “Baby, I’ll stop,” nonsense won’t be enough to keep me. Ah! It will be like an oil slick and when I turn around to go back, my feet will slip on them and I will go flying out of the door while screaming, “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttt’s ooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr! Kkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssssss mmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-” Well you know the rest.
And-and-and I know people judge me, they are always asking me why am I still with him? But they don’t feel it when he holds me in his arms. They can’t smell the scent of his cologne while I lay next to his body at night. They can’t experience the chills I get when he kisses me just right. (PAUSE) It’s these feelings that keep me from leaving him, you know. I know they are feelings of love. Nothing else can explain this disgusting, spell binding, HIDEOUS feeling that I get in the pit of my stomach every time I think, “If you stay with him, he will destroy your life, it’s time to go.” I’ve already lost so much, but it’s not about the possessions, it’s about my pride.
I guess it comes down to two choices huh? Either I stay with him and watch him gamble our savings away or I leave. The funny part is I thought I was the one leading this session, but it turns out that I’m the one who needs the help. Hmmm...
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Someone told me that they've read a few posts on my blog. As usual, I was shocked and honored. I was all, "You...read...my...BLOG?! WOW!" I guess you guys like to view my insanity. It helps so you can go, "At least I'm not crazy like THAT!" lol
I started giggling to myself at work when I remembered an episode that starred Gaetane, Kafui, and me! We were on the bus and I mentioned the word vagina and how Kafui has a hard time saying it. Here's a helpful hint for you. If you EVER have a problem saying a word, DON'T TELL ME THE WORD! Especially if I am in the presence of my Partners in Crime (Kelly or Gaetane).
Poor Kafui...Gaetane and I kept repeating the word and telling her to say it. She kept refusing. Wait, I remember how it started. She was talking about how as a Nurses assistant she had a run in with a patient. Instead of saying vagina, she said "down there." Gaetane and I looked at each other before I looked back at her and said, "Do you mean, VAGINA?" She blushed and it was on after that. What made it worse was, the bus ride was 45 minutes long and we didn't let up. You see, Kafui wants to be a Nurse and we felt that as a Nurse she would HAVE to be able to say it because what is she going to say?
"I'm sorry Ms. Jones, but your junk is torn."
"Take this cream and rub it on your naughty place."
"Insert this into your flower."
"Open your legs. I need to look at your snappy nappy dug out." (I stole snappy nappy dug out from the movie "Juice")
I could go on, but I'm trying not to end up in a fit of tears and giggles. Just like the last time I did a blog on "Free Peachin'" a.k.a. "Freein' da Beave." Okay that last one started the giggling. Oh dear goodness I'm shaking now...lol.
Back to the topic. So we tortured her. She just kept frowning and yelling, "I'm NOT going to say it!" We kept saying, "C'mon, say it! Just once. Say vagina! How can you not say vagina! You have one!" I honestly believe that Kafui was praying that the bus have an accident. Somehow I bet she would rather deal with that. Then her biggest nightmare came true...A guy got on the bus and overheard our conversation. Let me write this out for you...
Me: Kafui, say it. Just say it once and loud.
Gaetane: Say vagina! You have one! VA-GI-NA!!
Kafui: Leave me alone! I'm not going to say it! Stop it you guys!
Random Guy: What? You can't say vagina? You got one!
Me: See?! He's a guy and he can say vagina!
Random Guy: Heck I love vaginas! I came from a vagina! So did you!
Gaetane: He has a point. You DID come from a vagina! So say it! VA-GI-NA!!!!
Me: I just think it's sad that you can't say it. C'mon just this once. Say it. Say vagina!
Kafui: Vagina, vagina, vagina, VAGINA! There! Are you guys happy now?!
(Gaetane looks at me and we look at the guy)
Gaetane and Me: Yes we are.
An older woman turned and gave Kafui a "You poor thing," look and started laughing. Gaetane and I then got off of the bus, leaving Kafui there with the vagina loving Random Guy.
Oh good times, good times. Hey Kafui if you are reading this do me a favor and say vagina! *winks*
Until next time Faithful 5...
Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!
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