How Flaky?

You know what? I'm flaky. Yup, I am. Sure, those who remember me from college are probably choking on whatever is in their mouths right about now because in college I was either in class, a meeting, or helping someone out with their issues. I barely had "me" time and I paid dearly for that. Shoot, I'm STILL trying to get over the effects of my college years, but I will just you wait and see!

But seriously, when it comes to my social calendar I'm SO flaky it's not even funny and you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm SINGLE...I have the luxury to sleep to 1 pm, stay up until 5 am, eat cereal late at night...stuff like that and I don't want to give it up. Sometimes I'm feeling very sociable and so I do something. Other than those times, I just want to be alone, maybe doing things that I want to do and sitting in silence. Lately I've been teaching myself the guitar, writing more, doing random art projects around my house, just catching up with myself. Finding out who is this Max person...what does she like...who does she like...if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there does she care if it makes a sound? Those thoughts are important when you're 28 and single. When you've given yourself to others for 10 years and basically got nothing back from the masses, there comes a time when you need to be a bit selfish. I can't be selfish when I get married because then that marriage would end. Who wants to be married to a selfish person? It's not fair for the other person especially if they are a giver.

Hold on...Mom is at the front door. *crosses her fingers and braces herself for the calamity that only her mother can bring*

Okay, done. She was reasonable so it was all good.

Anywhoo...

Back to me. I'm actually happy that I'm not married yet. If I had gotten married at 23 or 24, that poor guy would have to deal with my growing pains. In other words, I would go from being sucked dried from people who only had their best interests in mind to being with a guy who loves me a lot but for me, sure I would love him, but I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I wouldn't know myself either. Perhaps the reason why I went through so many career changes is because I wanted to please others. Do I know what I want to be now? Nope, I see myself being a floater for the next 20 years of my life. You know, try out one field for 5 years and then switching or who knows? I might find one career and say, "This is it!" I don't know.

So to all of my friends who wonder why I disappear for long periods of time I'm not going to apologize. If I did, I would be lying and I don't like lying. So to you guys I say, "I'll catch ya sometime in the future! I'm okay, still alive, I'm still the Max that you remember BUT this Max needs to look after Max for a bit."

My mother looks at my masters degree as a waste of time because I don't plan to do anything in that field anymore, but I see it as a time where I lived by myself and I began to pick myself apart even when I thought I didn't have the strength. A lot has changed in me and I like the change.

So yes, I'm flaky! I'm as flaky as a pie crust! And for once in my life, I'm not going to feel guilty about it. In the future there is going to be a husband whose feelings I'll have to consider and babies who will take a lot of my attention. I'm preparing for those times, I'm getting flaky all out of my system!

For my married friends and those with children, try to remember how you were when you were single and don't try to push things on me. Just let me float and flake...that's all I ask.

Okay, I still have art projects that are staring at me and begging me to finish them. *sigh* So I guess I'll get to them RIGHT now. Well unless something else pops in my head, then I'll do that first and probably something after, then I'll do my art projects tomorrow. lol

Until then my non-flaky and flaky readers...

Love, Peace, and Hair Grease!